When Fangirls Attack!
by Leftomaniac
Summary: And it ends.::: Get a bunch of IZ fans in the same place, add someone utterly IZ-less, throw in a week-long convention of doom, and what have you got? MADNESS!
1. Prelude: Invitation and Description

An unusual feeling of serenity had come over CryingChild. Her emotional state usualy consisted of various extremes, from unbelieveable happiness, to homicidal rage, to insane hyperness, to mindless depression, but now she felt.. calm. Calm, peaceful, almost bouyant. Listlessly, she glanced around the table where she sat, eyes resting on a stack of mail that had been discarded there. She began sorting numbly through the letters, and stopped when she saw one with her name. Sticking one well-chewed fingernail in the corner, she tore it open and pulled out the milky sheet of printer paper. Her eyes ran over the print, then widened. Seconds later, a joyus, deligted, and above all ear-splitting whoop echoed through the house. So much for serenity.  
  
The tiny blonde girl began kick-boxing the air, and doing a possesed sort of dance while randomly quoting Happy Noodle Boy. Her jubulation was interrupted by a high pitched buzz.   
  
"Sweet angry jeezus," she quoted, "It's .... THE PHONE!" She picked it up, still softly eek-ing with pleasure, and spoke into the reciver. "Hiya vile earthling!" she said gleefully (A/N: That's how I answer the phone now, thanks to Irken Insane:c)   
  
"Sarah?" came the familar voice from the other end of the phone lines.   
  
"Bon-bons?" she asked, surprised.   
  
"Yes," her aunt replied, "I was wondering... you've mentioned a show called 'Invader Zim' before haven't you?"   
  
CryingChild cocked her head sharply. "Yes, I may have mentioned it in passing, every five seconds, why?"   
  
"Well..." her voice was nervous and uncertain, "Melanie just got a letter, and it... well, I *think* it's about that show..."  
  
Aunt Bonnie seemed hesitent and nervous, more so than usual. "Well..." CryingChild prompted, "Um, why don't you read it to me?"   
  
There was a pause, and then she heard; "'Dear lucky fangirl, we are pleased to inform you-'"   
  
"That you have been accepted at Hogwarts skool of witchcraft and wizardry, right?"   
  
"Be serious, Sarah."   
  
/Sheesh,/ CryingChild thought, /Bonnie's a Harry Potter fanatic, this must be serious!/ "Sorry." she said. Bonnie continued:   
  
"'You are invited to San Fransisco, for a week-long convention. But this is no ordinary convention, NO! This is a magical convention! This is a convention of such goody goody goodness it will make your brain leak out your ears!!!" She paused. "Do you suppose it's some kind of joke?"  
  
"No, that's the way IZ fans talk, so go on."   
  
" ...For this is a convention of IZ fanfiction authors! Hosted by FanFiction.net, this week will include trivia contests, character battles, costume contests...'" She went on to list several other events that would be going on. "'... And to top it all off, the week culminates in an autograph signing by Jhonen Vasquez and the cast of IZ!' I thought you said Invader Zim was a cartoon."   
  
"It is, they must mean the voice actors. I didn't know Melanie was an IZ fan! Much less a fanfiction writer! What's her screen name? Who's her favorite character? Wh-"   
  
"She isn't either." Bonnie said sternly, "This letter must have come by mistake. Maybe it was ment for you."   
  
"Doubtful." replied CryingChild, unable to keep the grin out of her voice, "Because I got the exact *same* letter! And it has plane tickets and everything! I don't know what kind of idiot would send plane tickets in the mail, but they did! And I'm going to San Fran-freaking-sisco! Is it frito? Is it frito? Yes it is!!" She squee'd and resumed her previous spinning, overflowing with excitment. "So," she said, calming down ever so slightly, "What are you going to do with Mel's letter?"   
  
There was an *extremely* long pause on the other end. "Well... they enclosed the tickets... and they ARE non-refundable..."   
  
"GreatI'llSeeYouAndMelAtTheAirportBye!" CryingChild slammed the phone onto the reciver, and resumed her spinny dance.  
  
***  
  
"So I told him he could go to-"   
  
"Dudley's for the finest chicken necks this side of-"   
  
"The Moon, by Pink Floyd, and you play the Wizard of Oz at the same time, It'll-"   
  
"Ruin everything! Because-"   
  
"She was wit my MAN, and I can't deal with-"   
  
"Purple tank top! I've always wanted-"   
  
"War against Wisconsin!"   
  
The snippets of various conversation drifted past Melanie. As she walked through the airport terminal with her cousin, they were all replaced by the grating rhyme that CryingChild kept repeating over and over... "Thee thells thee thells by the thee thore, thee thells thee thells by the thee thore, shhhhe ssssells sssssea shhhhhells by the ssssssea thore. Aw thit."   
  
"Would you PLEASE cut it out?"   
  
"But I juth got thith retainer yethterday, and Doctor Thmoron thaid that it would take thevral days for my lipth to go away! I don't want the exthperianth to be tainted because I thound thtupid!" Melanie giggled. "That doeth it, I'm taking thith thing out." CryingChild said, slipping the plastic retainer out of her mouth and placing it neatly in it's case.   
  
Melanie looked at her cousin in horror. "But you're not allowed to take it out!" she cried "You're supposed to wear it all the time! I'll tell your mom you took it out!"   
  
"Look, there's the baggage claim!" CryingChild interrupted. She waited, keeping an eye out for her green backpack with a picture of Jhonen on it, when her eyes were caught by a very cool looking black backpack, with a 'Z?' on it.   
  
She looked at it for a moment before it was snatched away by a thin hand. Her eyes followed the hand to it's owner, and she saw a green eyed girl with brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing a black t-shirt, with a hand-painted red Irken logo on the front, and the words "They're Coming..." in neon green outlined in white on the back.   
  
"Hiya!" she said cheerfully, "You here for the convention?" It was a retorical question if there ever was one. CryingChild was dressed in a neon green shirt, with a handpainted black Irken logo and the words "/We're/ Coming" on it, a black 'Z?' baseball cap, a black trenchcoat, black sneakers, and bluejeans upon which she had hastily scribbled IZ, HNB and JtHM quotes last night. Additionally, her left arm was covered in IZ themed pen tattos, and doodles of Happy Noodle Boy. It didn't take a genius to figure out the answer.   
  
"Yeah," she said, very shyly, "We both are." she indicated Melaine. The beponytail'd girl raised an eyebrow. Compared to her cousin, Melanie looked hardly fanlike. She was wearing a simple pink shirt with a white kitten on it, and bluejeans.   
  
"Kewl!" she said, turning to Melanie, "My name's-" "Popcorn! Get yer popcorn hyar!" a passing vendor shouted. "...But my screen name is Ztarlight."   
  
Suddenly all shyness and akwardness faded from CryingChild. "You're Ztarlight??" she cried, "Ztar! I'm CryingChild!" The two ficers began screaming with hyper-happiness.   
  
"Kewl! You can call me Ztar, since we're supposed to call each other by our screen names. So... she your sister?" Ztar indicated Melanie.   
  
"Mel? Nah, she has the honor of being my cousin. Speaking of sisters, is Sugarbaby here?"   
  
Ztar shook her head. "Guess she wasn't prolific enough. What's Mel's screen name?"   
  
"I don't have one," Melanie said self-rightiously, "I'm not allowed on the internet."   
  
Ztar raised an eyebrow, CryingChild shrugged. "Well, we'll have to make up one for you then!" Ztar said enthusiastically.   
  
"How about 'Stinky'?" CryingChild suggested.   
  
"How about 'Invader Mel'?" Ztar replied.   
  
CryingChild shugged. "They're both good."   
  
"Whatever." said Mel.   
  
"Great! Invader Mel it is then! Though with 'Invader' in her name, she'll now have to do a Mary Sue!" Ztar laughed. CryingChild giggled   
  
"Who's Mary Sue?" Mel asked, and CryingChild and Ztar burst into hysterics.  
  
"So," CryingChild asked, "how'd you know we were supposed to call each other by our screen names?"   
  
"From this brochure," Ztar said, holding up a black, folded sheet of paper with a picture of Zim, Dib, Gaz, and GIR running from hysterical fangirls. "I got it over there." She indicated a tall thin girl with cool blue hair styled like Akima's. She was wearing a sleeveless black PVC trench coat, JtHM boots, and the Invader Zim "Doom" tee. She was handing out brochures, but a casual obsever would think she was threatening people. The trio walked up to her.   
  
"Hi!" she said brightly as they approached, thrusting a brochure in their faces, "Want to join ESIR?"   
  
"What's that?" Asked Ztar.  
  
"Earthanoids Supporting Irken Rule." she replied.   
  
"Neat!" said Ztar, "Sure, I'll join, how 'bout you CryingChild?"   
  
"CryingChild?" The way-to-happy girl replied, "Fellow Noodle quoter! How can this be? You... You're a marshmallow peep, aren't you??? It's not easter, you peep-fuck! Surrender or I become giant Wilford Brimly!!! Grease up da pig cooter, I's goin' in!!!"   
  
CryingChild and Ztar grinned, knowing only one person in the world could scream nonsense so well.   
  
"Invader Bast!" Ztarlight cried. CryingChild took a deep breath   
  
"Eggy weggy full of shmeggy!!!" she screamed, "I feel like chicken tonight, you fucking pez crumb!! Soon my salad bar will be all powerful, MY BUTTER HIDES IN YOUR ASS TONIGHT!!! Fear my nut!!" All three broke out in hysterical laughter, to the bewilderment of passers-by.  
  
"Gawd Sarah," Mel sighed "I always knew you were an idiot, but I didn't realize there were others with your desiease!"   
  
"Oh, you'd better believe there are!" Bast grinned.   
  
CryingChild snickered. "Are you working for the... convention... thingy?" she asked Bast.   
  
"Nah, some lady dressed like Zim came up to me and asked me to pass 'em out. That was the last one though, I'm thinking of heading over to the hotel where the convention is now."   
  
"We may as well come with," Ztarlight said. "...Or we could frighten more strangers..." They considered this for a few minutes.   
  
"Let's go to the hotel," Bast finally said, "There'll be more fans there, then we can ALL frighten strangers!" And so the intrepid foursome set off, with Mel complaining all the while.  
  
"Are we THERE yet? I wanna put my stuff away, I wann-"   
  
"Shut your noise hole, taco human!!!!" cried Ztar.   
  
"We're THERE Mel, you can shut up now" CryingChild said wearily.   
  
Bast looked contemplative. "Now, according to the brochure, 'Once you arrive, you will be ecorsted to a two-bedroom suite, which you will be sharing with another fanfic author'" The remaining three stared at her. "Look," she said defensivly "I was reading that line to about seventy people, I couldn't HELP but memorize it, 'kay?" Inside, a man with a "Z?" t-shirt and a black trenchcoat handed them their room keys.   
  
"We'll meet up with you guys here after we drop off our crap." CryingChild called, as she and Mel headed towards their room. 


	2. Interlude: Surrounded By Descriptions

Wow another chapter already! And sorry, but I'm not letting any new people in unless they give me supreme power over the animal kingdom. Sowwy! But I had hoped to get, maybe, four people for this fic, and I ended up getting TWICE that! Writing this is such a blast so far, BTW, but it'll probably end up being 467,547,954,794,795,479,479,479 chapters long. Um, yay?  
  
----  
  
"Oh, this is beyond perfect" said CryingChild, as she saw the number on the door.   
  
"What?" Mel asked, disinterested.   
  
"Room 777." she replied, as if reciting a religious chant.   
  
Mel blinked. "I don't get it." she said.   
  
"That's the number of Nny's house" CryingChild replied, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world, and anyone who didn't know it sould be locked up in a room with soft walls.   
  
"Who's 'knee'?" Mel asked blankly.   
  
CryingChild took a deep breath, preparing to unleash a torrent of fanbabble on her ususpecting cousin, when she held up a hand. "Never mind, I can tell I don't want to know." CryingChild opened the door, walked in, and dropped her bags on the bed, while Mel walked in the adjecent room to unpack her stuff.   
  
"You're gonna have to learn about all this eventually," CryingChild called, "After all," she cried blissfully, "We're gonna be SURROUNDED by Jhoneny goodness for the entire week!"   
  
Mel walked in to the room with her cousin, looking unimpressed "But I don't WANNA know about it! And I'm tired and hot and bored an-"   
  
"And you're right," CryingChild interrupted, "let's split up and meet back here."  
  
-------Meanwhile...---------  
  
"Cool, I'm sharing a suite with Nny!" Ztar joked as she walked in and saw who was there. Standing by a dresser was a slim blonde girl with green eyes behind oval glasses. She was wearing black pants, a charcoal gray shirt with thin horizontal black stripes, a trenchcoat, and tall boots. She had no makeup, and her hair was pulled into a long ponytail.   
  
She smiled, "Nah, not me," she said, "but we have the same taste in music."   
  
Ztar, being a slightly sharper tack than CryingChild, recognized that immediatly, "KidKourage?" she guessed.   
  
"Right!" KidK cried gleefully. "And you're...?"   
  
"I'll give you a hint," Ztar cleared her throat, and when she spoke again, she was doing a more than passable immatation of Gaz. "If Britney Spears died, you wouldn't be hurting mankind, just MAN."   
  
KidK snickered, "Ztar?" she suggested. Ztar nodded enthusiastically.   
  
"Isn't this just TOO cool?!?" she asked, having grown hyper off sheer fangirl excitment.   
  
"TOO cool, it's just SO kawaii! Have you seen anyone else yet?"   
  
"Well," Ztar said, "I saw CryingChild, and Invader Bast, and Invader Mel. You?" KidK shook her head.   
  
"I just got here. Who's Invader Mel?" This time it was Ztar's turn to shake her head,   
  
"Someone who's never heard of IZ... and no, you don't want to know."   
  
KidK grinned in response. "Anyone else? How about Kat?"   
  
"Kat?" Ztar asked, "No, I didn't see her, wonder if she's here..."  
  
------Meanwhile... Gee, I wonder who Bast's gonna meet?------  
  
Bast had just finished making a little tower out of her sketchpads on the nightstand when she heard a jangling noise. It repeated itself, like chinese water torture, over and over, coming closer and closer...   
  
"AWAY WITH YOU, JANGLE-BEAST!!!!! YOUR TOURTURUS CHIMES OF MUSTARD ONLY FUEL MY HYPNOTIC POWERS!!!!" she finally screamed, just as a tall, and slightly confused girl walked in. She had thin brown poofing up from her head, dark brown eyes and black eyebrows, and pale skin. She was wearing ripped jeans, sneakers, and the Doom T-shirt over a long-sleeved white shirt and black gloves. (A/N: Are you getting as sick of these descriptions as I am? Still, I will continue to write them. I mean, what's the point of asking for big effin long descriptions if you don't use em?:c) Recovering quickly, she replied with;   
  
"NOT WITHOUT MY MONKEY I WON'T!!! RELEASE THE CHEESE GRATER, YOU KNAVE!!!" she then extended a hand, "I'm Kat" she said calmly.  
  
Bast grabbed her hand and shook it as if she was trying to flip the girl over her shoulder. "As in Kat23a?" she asked, the other girl nodded "Kewlness!!! I'm Invader Bast, but I'm sure you know that, as we've doomed various implements of evil whose names begin with 'B' together!" Bast finally relented in her hand shaking, as Kat glanced around.   
  
Noticing Bast's things, she asked "Are you sure you want this room?"   
  
"Either one's fine with me." Bast said, "Why?"   
  
"Oh nothing," Kat said dismissivly, "It's just someone in the lobby told me a man was murdered in the adjacent room a few years ago, and some say he's *still* there, if ya know what I mean."   
  
"...And you don't feel comfertable sleeping there?" Bast asked.   
  
Kat looked at her as if she had just said something profoundly stupid, "No, I'm saying I've got dibs on it! Heheh, 'Dibs', I like puns..."  
  
------Meanwhile...-------  
  
CryingChild looked around the lobby happily. The convention itself was still being set up in an adjacent room, but there were dozens of people walking around, inviting random people to join this or that organzation. She was already adorned with the stickers of ESIR, Proud Owners of Fanbots, and Supporters of Red/Purple. She turned and nearly bumped into a trenchcoated girl.   
  
"Sorry!" she said.   
  
"No problem," the girl replied, "Wanna join FPI?"   
  
"Wuzzat?" "Future Paranormal Investigators. It's for Dib fans."   
  
"No thanks, I like Dib, but when he gets into one of his rants about Zimmy, I just wanna..." She held up her hands, making a strangling motion.   
  
Her theatrics were inturrupted as she was hit over the head with a heavy backpack. "Ow!" she cried, turning to see her attacker. She came face to face with a tall, thin, pale girl with straight blonde hair and electric blue eyes. She was wearing a shirt like Dib's only, black flared pants, and a black trench coat. She had a *very* angry look in her eyes. "Do. Not. Say. That. About. Dib. Again." She said firmly.   
  
"Okay, okay, sheesh." CryingChild replied. "I'm CryingChild by the way."   
  
"Oooh, I know you! I'm The Slayer!"   
  
"Yaaaaay!" CryingChild said, then she gasped. "Waitaminute, if you're The Slayer, then... then... WHO'S THAT???" she pointed at a random person.   
  
"That's Someguy."   
  
"Are... are you SURE?" CryingChild said, feigning terror.   
  
"No!"   
  
"Yay!"   
  
"And over there," The Slayer said, pointing, "Is Somepeople."   
  
Recognition flashed into CryingChild's eyes. "Hey, those aren't just any somepeople!" she said, grabbing The Slayer's arm and running over to the group of four.   
  
"Hiiiiiii guys!" CryingChild turned to The Slayer. "This is The Slayer" she said, then one by one indicated the others. "And THIS is Ztarlight, and THIS is Invader Bast" she then pointed at KidK "And this is Miss. Niceladyperson," then she pointed at Kat, "And this is Happy the Magical Elf!"   
  
"I'm not an elf!" Kat protested, "...Or am I? Oh well, call me Kat"   
  
"And you can call me KidK" The obligatory squeals were exchanged all around, when a voice came out of some unseen speaker:   
  
"Attention, for those of you attending the... Invader... Zim? Is that how you pronounce it? ...Convention, the south wing convention hall is now open. Repeat, the south wing conve- hey, what the... gimme that back! Aaaa!" "Hello!" said a familar -VERY familar- voice... "I'm on the speaky thing! I can hear myself! Heehee, I sound good. Now check this out!" The new voice began beat-boxing, until he was cut off by another very familar voice chastising him. 


	3. Interlude: The Nightmare Begins to Begin

Yes, I managed to write something besides angsty ramblings and half-coherent rants about setting loose ALL da fleah-eating demon babies on Nick. BE AMAZED!!!! Thanks to everyone in my guild, and on AOL IM for helping me, as President Billy Bob Forhead once said, get back to normal. No own  
  
And I'm proud/ashamed to announce that I've sprung up TWO freakin' inches since my last measurment, an I now tower over the masses at... Bum bum bum, 4'9"!  
------  
  
Everyone stared for a moment, then pandamonium errupted. All the little fangirls and fanboys were screaming, laughing, and racing to the south wing convention hall entrance. Our intrepid sixsome remained in a corner, deciding to wait until there was room to breathe before racing in like hyperactive sewer rats.   
  
"Who was that on the speaker?" came a voice from behind CryingChild. She turned to see Mel. She screamed until she ran out of breath. Then she screamed until she ran out of breath again. And again. And once more.   
  
"How did you do that?" Ztar asked, "I thought only IZ fans had that power!"   
  
"And what do you mean 'Who was that on the speaker', it was clearly GIR!" The Slayer added, "Well, technically it couldn't have been GIR, I guess it was Rosearick Rikki Simmons."   
  
"Who's GIR?"  
  
"Have you the brainworms?!?!" Cried KidK. "GIR is the MAN! You poor, doomed child, what cave have you been living in?" Mel blinked.   
  
"Forgive my foolish hyyuman cousin," CryingChild said, "She is pitifully ignorant about Jhonen Vasquez's twisted family."   
  
"Well then," Kat said entusiastically, "We'll have to remedy that! And Mel seems real into the idea! She's immitating Squee already!" Mel shrank back as the others closed in, and she would have fallen victem to an avalance of relentless fanbabble, as have so many at the hands of these six, were it not for a voice breaking the choas and chants of "One of us... one of us..."  
  
"'Scuse me, but I couldn't help but notice you acting like idiots, mind if I join?" One by one, they turned to see a girl wearing a Zim lanyard with a black dress and tall black shoes.   
  
"You.. you are wearing the Zim lanyard!!" CryingChild yelled, her eyes bugging out, "You do realize I must kill you now."   
  
"That's nice," the girl said. Then her face grew dark, as she saw what was poking out of Bast's pocket. "That's not a ... Fillerbunny toy... is it?" Bast nodded entusiastically, and the new girl screamed. Nobody noticed of course, because her scream was drowned out by the background fangirl shreiks of excitment.   
  
"Whatsa matter?" Bast asked, "Don' you go dissin da bunny, girl!"   
  
"No, no!" the girl in black said, "It's not that... it's just... it's just... it's staring at me! Make it stop!" Bast tucked the doll all the way into her pocket, much to the relief of everyone's eardrums. "I'm Invader Quin, by the way."   
  
"Quin?" CryingChild said, "How did you get THIS past your parents?"   
  
Quin blushed a little, "Well, let's just say they don't exactly know I'm here..."   
  
Introductions were exchanged all around, and the crowd of fangirls began to dwindle as the convention hall was filled. "Looks like it's safe to go in now," The Slayer said, "Or *is* it? Yeah, I think it is." They walked towards the entrance, where they were greeted by a short, pale girl with brownish-blond hair and hazel eyes, very small hands and feet, glasses, and 5 silver rings on her fingers. To the left of her was a light-skinned, zoftig girl with blue eyes. Her just-below-shoulder-length hair was dark brown with blond highlights, tied in a ponytail, topped off with a ribbon, and complimented with black beads covering a grouped strand of her hair on the left side. She was wearing black bell bottoms, a white tee-shirt that read, "I Have Issues.", white socks and black shoes. The girl on the right introduced herself as The Dragon From The Black Lagoon (Dragon for short), and the girl on the left introduced herself as Idgiebay (or Idgie)   
  
(A/N: Eh.. I'm getting pretty sick of writing introductions, as I'm sure you can tell. Quin+Dragon+Idgiebay, I SWEAR I'll make it up to you later.)  
  
"So," The Slayer asked, "What are you doing out here, when you should be inside with your fellow fangirls?"   
  
Dragon got a sour look on her face. "You need to show a room key to get in." She said, "We lost ours."   
  
"That's cruel and unusual!" KidK said, "What kind of sadist would deprive an IZ fan of her fix just because she lost her room key?"   
  
"Just get in the center of us," Kat said, "We'll stand around you and show them OUR room keys, hopefully they won't notice you don't have yours."   
  
The ten girls entered and the guard waved them on without any trouble. As the double doors closed behind them, they saw for the first time the inside of the convention hall.   
  
"...My Tallest..." Ztar said.   
  
"This is so much like my dreams, it's *scary*" breathed Quin.   
  
"Wierd." declared Mel.  
  
The walls were practically one gigantic collage of screencaps and fanart. Stalls bedecked in various dark colors with the names of orginizations and activities written on them were strewn about. A crowd formed around a partly obscured object, which apperared to be a Voot Runner/Crusier. Along one wall were statues of the four principal characters, as well as many minor characters, in trademark positions. A large square of the room was sealed off, with signs reading things like: "Don't Even THINK About It" and "Beware Of Moose" placed around it. People in costume walked around, slapping bumper stickers on seemingly random people. One corner contained a gigantic machine labled "BrainFreezys". Long hallways seemed to lead into eternity. Piped music played the theme, then switched to the background music that had played when Zim first landed on earth. They had arrived.  
  
All ten paused in what they felt was a respectful moment of silence, thanking whatever higher force brought them here. Then, all hell broke loose.   
  
"I wanna see the Voot Runner!"   
  
"No! Let's get Brainfreezys!"   
  
"Is that Dib?!?! No, wait, it's just someone dressed like him. Is THAT Dib?!?! No, no, it's IS THAT-"   
  
Somehow, they managed to organize themselves well enough to decide to split up. CryingChild, Mel, Ztar and Quin went off in one direction, Kat, The Slayer, and Bast in another, and KidK, Dragon, and Idgie in yet another.  
  
------  
  
Okay, I wrote a couple more paragraphs after this, but then I had the most HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DOOMED writer's block of DOOM! So while I work through it ('work through it' should read 'bash my head against the wall repeatedly') I'm putting up what I wrote BEFORE everyone starts walking off to do STUFF. Sorry it's so short, and I'm also sorry nothing actually HAPPENED in it. Just sit tight and wait for the next chapter, okay? Ski ya:c) 


	4. Day 1: Fandom and Forshadowing

The first four walked with bliss, (Well, THREE of them were blissful anyway,) through the stalls and kiosks, then stopped at a large magenta one.   
  
"'What's your rank on Irk?'" CryingChild read off the sign.   
  
"Let's try this!" Quin cried.   
  
"No way!" said Ztar, "I'll be the bottom rung of society."   
  
"No," assured CryingChild, "That would be Mel."   
  
"Hey!" Said Mel, angered despite the fact that she didn't get it.   
  
"Actually, it's only because of your age," CryingChild told Mel, "When you get a little older, you'll tower over us all! Then we'll have to kill you. And won't that be nice?" Mel shook her head.   
  
"C'mon Ztar," Quin said, "Zim's at the bottom rung of Irken society, and just look at him! And Invader Skooge is just above him, and HE'S had fics written about him despite his total lack of any lines!"   
  
"Well... at least all four of us would be paraiahs." Ztar replied, and the four walked in.  
  
Inside was a man dressed as the Conventia announcer, standing next to a board with all sorts of holes in it. As each person stood against the wall, he poked a metal insturment into the hole just above her head, some lights would flash, and a 3X5 index card would pop out of a slot near the top. "Wouldn't it be easier to just have a bunch of measurements written on it?" Quin asked. "Yes." Said the man running the booth. She shrugged, stepped up, and recived her card. Mel, Ztar and CryingChild had already gone. They all examined their cards, which had a border of purple and reddish tubes, surrounding their height, and the name for their rank.   
  
"I got 4' 9"!" CryingChild exclaimed   
  
"5'0"" said Quin  
  
Ztar sighed, ashamed, "I'm a gargatuan 5'1"..."  
  
"4'6"" said Mel.  
  
"Hey, there's something wrong with my card, it says I'm a Tallest!"  
  
"Mine too!"  
  
"Well of course," Said the man running the booth, in a "I-pity-your-inferior-level-of-obsessivenes" voice. "Haven't you heard? Red and Purple are around five feet tall."   
  
"Ah." Ztar replied.  
  
"Wait," Mel said, "This is based on height, isn't it?"  
  
CryingChild fegined astonishment, "My god! She broke the code!"  
  
-----Meanwhile-----  
  
"Really? You too?" The Slayer asked incredulusly. She, Kat, and Bast had been talking with a girl dressed like Miss Bitters for the past few minutes. The Miss Bitters lookalike nodded.   
  
"Nearly everyone here has." She said. They had been disscusing the appearence of IZ charcters in the REAL world.  
  
Kat's eyes widened. "That's odd," she said, "'Cuz both CryingChild and Ztarlight have seen a Nny lookalike, and this one girl, InvaderZim29 has seen Zim, Dib AND Jhonen!"   
  
She put her hands on her hips. "Okay, there's got to be a logical, reasonable eplanation, but let's forget about that and just say that Jhonen's characters are moving into the real world!" They all agreed that was the best strategy.   
  
"Seriously though," The Slayer said after the giggling had died down, "It IS pretty wierd and... well, when they said that we would get to meet the CAST of IZ... do you think they might have... well... ment it?" No one seemed too supportive of that thoery, but any casual observer could tell from the looks on their faces that they were all thinking the same thing.  
  
They left the Miss Bitters lookalike and began to wander around sort of aimlessly. Before long they came across a booth marked: "Red and Purple, Which One Measures Up?"  
  
"..." Bast was rendered speachless. Kat and The Slayer rolled their eyes.  
  
"Well, may as well make no other plans today!" The Slayer complained  
  
"So who says we all have to stick together?" Kat reasoned, "We'll meet up with you later, 'k Bast?" Bast was unresposive. She gave off the impression that she might not notice if someone poked her in the eye with a very sharp pencil. "Okay then! See ya!" Kat and The Slayer walked off.  
  
After standing stock-still for a while longer, Bast murmered "Mm-hmm..." and entered the curtained booth grinning. One half of it was covered in purple fabric, and the other was covered in red. Posters of the repective Tallests were hung every few feet. A lazer gun was on display on one end, and on the other was a maching pumping out fake smoke. Heated debates seemed to be taking place amoung the clusters of fangirls. Bast approached one cluster.  
  
"Hey what's this all about?" she asked.   
  
"Before I answer that," the girl she had approached said, "You've got to answer a question for *me*, do you like Red or Purple better?"  
  
Bast blinked. "Wowies," she said "I never really thought of *choosing.* I don't think I can, really, I mean, they're both just so..." She pressed the back of her hand to her forhead and pretended to swoon. "Y'know?" she added.  
  
"Well," the girl replied, "That's what this is all about, debating the finer points of each Tallest. I'm a Red fan!" she added quickly.  
  
It was about then Bast noticed the pin on the girl's shirt. It was red, and had the letters AMT on it. As she looked around, she noticed a nearby bin filled with thousands of identical pins, and oppisite that, one filled with thousands of identical purple ones. Bast got an idea...  
  
For the next half-hour or so, she put on a purple pin and chatted with the other Purple fans. Then, she switched to a Red one and talked with the other Red fans. She eventually left with one of each pin.  
  
----Meanwhile...-----  
  
"Ow! ...Hey, thanks!" Idgie said as a passerby slapped a bumper sticker on her arm. It featured a picture of Zim and Dib hugging, and the writing: ZADR- Can't We All Just Get Along? "It's uncanny how they always seem to know what you like," Dragon said, "It's actually pretty creepy, FUN!" Dragon was already covered with the sickers for SBC (Shoulda Been a Character, an SI organazation.) and SUGAR. (Stuffed Utaraptors Grow in Acidic Rabbits) "I know. Ow! ...Hey thanks!" Idgie said as yet another passerby covered the top of her back with a sticker covered in blue hearts that said simply, "Dibby!" It complimented the one already on her back, which was identical save the replacment of red hearts for blue, and the writing, which said "Zimmy!"  
  
She grinned sheepishly, "I know, I know," she said, "I'm eighteen, Dib is eleven, it couldn't work out, but... he's so CUTE!"  
  
KidK smiled "You think YOU have problems?" she said, "I'm eighteen, and Zim's older than any living human! And don't get me STARTED on why things wouldn't work out with Nny!" They all laughed.  
  
"Hey! Lookit that!" Dragon said. The others turned to where she was pointing and saw a booth labled "Rubber Piggies of DOOM!"  
  
"Wow, could it be MORE IZ?" Dragon asked, amazed.  
  
"Only if they added 'Moosey Goo'" KidK replied  
  
They approached the booth, only to be confronted with dissapointment.   
  
"Fifty dollars for a rubber piggy??" Idgie cried, "Are you mad, woman? Huh? Are you?"  
  
"These aren't ORDINARY" rubber piggies," the woman running the booth began.  
  
"These are MAGICAL peanuts you ungratful bastard, now eat the GODDAMNED peanuts!" Dragon quoted. "Sorry, had to do that, you go ahead."  
  
"These are the piggies that were actually used in 'Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy'" The booth woman finished. "They should actually sell for a lot more, but since there's so MANY of them..."  
  
KidK raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Now wait just a minute here, how stupid do you think we are? Just because we're teenagers dosen't mean we're gulible enough to believe you got REAL rubber piggies from a CARTOON show!"  
  
"However amazing the cartoon may be." Added Dragon  
  
"Well that goes without saying." said Idgie.  
  
"Then why'd you have to say it?"  
  
"I didn't, you did!"  
  
"Oh"  
  
Meanwhile the boothrunner was snickering quietly "Oh yes, you caught me at my *snicker* scam," she said,  
  
"What are you getting at?" asked Dragon, annoyed.  
  
"Oh NOTHING, I'm just admitting that I couldn't get something from a CARTOON into the REAL WORLD" she doubled over in laughter. Idgie pointed a finger to the side of her head and spun it in a circle. Dragon and KidK nodded asent.  
  
----Some hours of merrymaking later...----  
  
"This is TOO cool" The Slayer said, her nose buried in a Crop Circle magazine, "We're reading what Dib reads! Any closer and we'd BE Dib!"  
  
"Tsk! They are SO exaggerating!" Kat said, deeply engrossed in a Crazy Spooky, "He was only HALF ressurected, TOPS!"  
  
It was at that precise moment that our heros learned the dangers of reading while walking.  
  
"Owch!" They said in unison as they collided with Idgie, who, in turn, fell backwards into KidK, who collided with the approaching Ztar, who fell into Bast, and so on, and so on. Everyone was back, and everyone was lying on the ground in a pile of chaos and doom.  
  
"I love it here." Dragon commented.  
  
After a dinner of pizza and brainfreezys, more convention wandering, and hyper discussions with fellow fans they met in the hotel, the tired tensome trudged off to bed at the hour of 4 am. Kat used one of the many metal dealies on her belt to pick the lock of Dragon and Idgie's door, and everyone settled in their respective suites.  
  
As Mel's head sunk into the soft downy pillow, her face was a mask of peace, glad to finally get some rest from the crazyness, Noodle quotes, and screaming people.  
  
But inside, there was plenty more crazyness brewing...  
  
----  
  
You hear right folks, Mel is predictably gonna be hyp-mo-tized into becoming an IZ fan, but it's GOOD predictable, no? I finally finished this chapter of DOOM, Squiggles was present throught much of this writing, which means it was painful. I probably won't have that problem in the future though. The next few chapters are ones I'm really looking forward to writing, and this one was just basically to move the story along. It still might be a bit, as I'm hard at work on a fic in the Misc. Movies board called Edward Sporkfingers. (MARVEL at my shameless plug!) Skiya!  
  
Oh! I almost forgot! To everyone appearing in this fic: Pick a number between 1 and 50, and put it in your review. 


	5. Interlude: Mel's Lament

Yeeeah, you all knew I was gonna fit a song in here somewhere. The title is a play on the song 'Jack's Lament' from NMBC. The song in THIS chapter however, is 'Who Am I?' from Les Misrables. I own neither, nor IZ, you silly, silly people.  
  
----------  
  
CryingChild sat back on the green cusioned chair and sighed contentedly. She had come up to her room right after breakfast, promising to come back down in a minute or two. She just needed a bit of 'alone time.' Everything was Zim-themed here, even the chair she was sitting in had a black Irken logo on it. And breakfast was no exception. They were offered Breakfast Chunks, and Cocosplodies. She had ended up trying both, Cocosplodies was like a packaged sugar high, and Breakfast Chunks was surprisingly good. Everything was good here. She was so happy...  
  
Suddenly, her bliss was interrupted as the door crashed open and Mel stormed in. She glared at CryingChild and stomped into her room, slamming the door behind her. CryingChild waited. After a few minutes, Mel's voice came from her room. "Aren't you gonna come and see what's wrong?" she asked. CryingChild sighed and trudged in. She wasn't really an unsympathetic person, but Mel was HARD to be sympathetic to.  
  
"I HATE it here," Mel began.   
  
"WAIT!" CryingChild said, "I got an idea!" She ran into her room and began rooting through her backpack. "Keep talking!"  
  
"Well, I mean, I don't understand anything that's going on, and I bet mom would throw a fit if she found out what was kinda stuff I was doing here, and I've just been in a bad mood all morning and all anyone here will say is-"  
  
At that moment CryingChild found what she was looking for and rushed over with it. "Talk to Spooky!" she and her cousin said in unison. "ARRG!" Mel roared.  
  
"I hate this! The people here are weird and scary and they say mean things about Britney Spears and the convention hall is creepy and your stupid Invader Zim show SUCKS!"  
  
A little shocked by her cousin's outbusrt, CryingChild backed away a step, and then weakly replied, "Hey! Invader Zim does NOT suck!" It was at that moment she realized Mel had never said anything 'sucked' before. (A/N: When I say sheltered, I mean SHELTERED) She must be supremely pissed. Could it be just the convention doing that? Maybe, Mel had a tendency to freak out if she didn't get her way. Still... it seemed like something more...  
  
"Mel, are you okay? Come on, talk to me..." she held up he spooky doll and gave it a plaintive *squeak?*  
  
Mel stared at her cousin. She looked ridiculous, standing in the hotel's purple bathrobe, holding out a stupid looking skelleton squeak toy. She gave it another pathetic *squeak?*. Mel sighed, "I just want to be alone!" she shouted, storming out onto the balcony. CryingChild watched her leave, feeling suddenly worried.  
  
Mel leaned against the railing. The hotel's normal railing had been replaced by one inlaid with piggies, and she pushed it away in disgust. What was wrong with the people here? She had never seen the cartoon they all seemed to love so much, but...  
  
She leaned, pouting against the wall, she had seen the expression on her cousin's face... her cousin was hoping... her cousin was hoping she would become like... one of THEM.  
  
/He thinks that man is me,/  
/He knew him at a glance,/  
/The stranger he has found,/  
  
She saw something in her that wasn't there... IZ fan potential. And yet, she had to admit, there was a certain... alluring quality to all this...  
  
/This man could be my chance,/  
  
It seemed like a way out, away from her mother's oppressive tyranny, away from the endless restrictions. There were people she met here with tightly-gripping parents, and they've all managed to get by through the power of their love, their love for this ingenious, twisted fantasy world.  
  
/Why should I save his hide?/  
/Why should I right his wrong?/  
/When I have come so far,/  
/And struggled for so long./  
  
Wait, what was she thinking? How could she even dream of joining the ranks of... those people. They were freaks! Some of them were freaking pyromaniacs! Others claimed to be homocidal! Not to mention the fact that she could never sneak something like that past her mother. She could never keep a secret.  
  
/If I speak, I am condemned,/  
/If I stay silent I am damned./  
  
She wouldn't dare tell her cousin about any of these thoughts. She knew she'd freak out, and act like she was being tempted by IZ. Which she WASN'T. But that's what she'd think, Mel KNEW it. She could already picture her 'The force to obsess is strong in this one' speech. She giggled at the image of her cousin declaring, 'Mel, I am your father!' Oh, God, was she giggling? Was she actually enjoying this?  
  
/Who am I, can I condemn this man to slavery?/  
  
She didn't want to be one of them, she KNEW she didn't! And yet... she felt a pull, the same thing that she knew pulled each and every one of *them* to obsess slavelike over this one man's creations...  
  
/Pretend I do not feel his agony/  
/This innocent who wears my face/  
/Who goes to judgement in my place/  
  
She felt like there were two selves, the one she knew, the one she *was* and this new one... this innocent who wore her face. Wait, where did that come from? She felt so confused. Half of her, the newly emerging half, was struggling to be free. But she had to ignore, it, HAD to suppress it, or who knows what might happen?  
  
/Who am I?/  
/Can I conceal myself forever more,/  
/Pretend I'm the man I was before?/  
  
Could she supress it? Could she keep the urges down forever? The words of her cousin from the day they arrived came to her, 'We're gonna be SURROUNDED by Jhoneny goodness for the entire week!' Could she get by, when there was temptation everywhere? And even if she could, how long would this go on?  
  
/And must my name until I die,/  
/Be no more than an alibi,/  
/Must I lie?/  
  
Why was it so hard to accept what might be in her? Why did she *need* to be normal? What was it about her current, he OLD self that she needed to cling to?  
  
/How can I ever face my fellow men?/  
/How can I ever face myself again?/  
  
All her friends would leave her as soon as she stopped caring about boy bands and celebrities. But she could make new friends, weirder friends. No, no, no, what was she thinking? She couldn't just let her friends leave her, even if it ment hiding her slightly more eccentric side for another eleven years. It had to be done. She'd get by. After she got home, she'd forget the convention. And it was easy to ignore her cousin. Soon, the urge to change would pass, and things would go back to normal. It'd be okay...  
  
She slid the glass door open and walked in, no longer feeling subconciously drawn to the stack of comics her cousin had left lying out.  
  
"Are you okay Mel?" CryingChild asked, genuinely concerned.  
  
"Yes... I think I am...."  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Oh, don't think you're getting away that easily Mel! ;c) 


	6. Day 2: Theories and Toe Pain

Ak! Sowwy this chapter took forever, but I died. Yup, that's what happened. But I slept it off, and I am now ready to do another chappie! *reads reviews* Wow, there really IS an Invader Mel? *has multiple heart attacks*  
  
Random Person: You're the excitable type, aintcha?  
  
And BTW, my cousin isn't reading this, she's not allowed to read IZ fanfiction, even mine.   
  
MORE BTW: I sowwy, but I no accepting new people in this, PWEASE FOWGIVE!!! The people with no real names I stuck in this chapter are just random generic IZ fans.  
  
BTW, the winners of the number pick... thing, are: Kat23a, Invader Quin, aaaaaand Dragon from the Black Lagoon!!!  
  
Kat, Quin and Dragon: What'd we win?  
  
CryingChild: A banana! And somthing else, what you'll see in a few chapters, heh. And NO Bast, I'm not gonna tell you what it is:c)  
  
Final BTW: There'll be a few parts to this chappie you won't understand if you don't read JtHM. Sowwy:c) If you don't know what JtHM is, the pig commands you to go here and click on the pictures:  
  
http://www.hliz.net/brainfreezy/personas.html  
---------  
  
CryingChild and Mel rejoined the others, and the fun began once more. The day passed in a blur of fanbabble, trivia, games and themes. Hours later, everyone was in a state of satiated and content exhaustion.  
  
"Oy, I'm about to implode, I need coffee. I need it good."  
  
"Yeah, and I need a break from this excruciating pain in my feet."  
  
"There's a bunch of tables and chairs over in that corner, let's go *sit* on them!"  
  
One by one, our intrepid heroes congregated around a black table, decorated with a large purple skull. There were several similar tables, some bearing red Irken symbols, others, blue Swollen Eyeball emblems, still others green piggies. The nine fangirls (and Mel) sat comfortably, sipping from coffee cups and sucking on Brainfreezys. It was a very large table, and soon there was a total of seventeen fangirls (and Mel) sitting at it. And we all know the inevitable result of a bunch of IZ fangirls sitting in the same general area, don't we? Yes, we do. A girl with a Lenore tattoo began it.  
  
"Okay, Dib is SO a younger version of Nny. Gaz is Devi, but since Dib is adopted, Nny/Devi is okay." She stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"That's insane!" Quin retorted, "There's an older version of Dib in Attack of the Saucer Morons, and he looks NOTHING like what I've seen of Nny! ...Or at least no more so than regular Dib does. And Older Gaz is there too! Explain that!"  
  
"Maybe they're Dib and Gaz's parents" The Slayer suggested, "After all, they do say Professor Membrane isn't really Dib's dad, maybe he adopted them. "  
  
"Yeah!" CryingChild put in, "And everyone knows Membrane *can't* be Dib and Gaz's dad, He's an Irken! I mean, we never see his nose or ears, his hair looks like an antenna, he never takes off his gloves, and he wears his labcoat like the guys in Impending Doom I!"  
  
"Speaking of ID1, when's the Tak eppy gonna air? I've been waiting for it forever!" moaned The Slayer  
  
"Geez, so many people are looking so forward to Tak, and some of 'em don't even know she's-" "Popcorn! Fresh buttered popcorn!" a passing vendor shouted. Ztar blinked. "Is that guy following me around?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, once, I saw a Gaz/Tak romance." Bast picked up, "The description just said girl/girl romance, and I was terrified, because it occurred to me the only two female IZ characters were Gaz and Miss Bitters!" Everyone shuddered at the thought.  
  
"Speaking of Miss Bitters, doesn't Squee's teacher look like her?" Kat said, "If you asked me, that's more proof Squee and Zim go to the same skool."  
  
"RIGHT!" The Slayer broke in, "And since they aren't in the same class, *that* proves IZ takes place in the future!"  
  
"Pfft!" Quin pffted, "IZ is in the present, you just have to be able to see the world through Jhonen's eyes to recognize that."   
  
"Yeah! And IZ can't be in the future because Dib is a young Nny!" Dragon put in.  
  
"If Dib is Nny, Miss-Smarty-Person," Kat interjected, "what happened to his glasses? You can't stab people to death if you can't see."  
  
Dragon faltered, "Erm, contact lenses?"  
  
"HA!" Ztar cried, "If the eye-rubbing person in Hell taught us ANYthing, it's that Nny would NEVER wear contacts."  
  
"Besides," KidK grinned, "Dib isn't Nny, he's Nny's SON, a whole world of difference!"  
  
"Oh come ON!" laughed Bast.  
  
KidK remained steadfast "It's true!"  
  
"Well who's the mother?" Bast replied skeptically, "Devi won't go near him. Not to mention Nny's aversion to any sort of physical contact."  
  
"Don't you remember what Reverend Meat said when Johnny asked him where he came from?" KidK responded, "And I quote: 'You don't remember the pretty girl that gave me to you? Being in her room? Doing what you did? What she did to you?' Explain THAT."  
  
"Gee, I always assumed she was another victim..." Dragon said contemplatively.  
  
KidK blinked. "Reverend Meat is creepy."  
  
Bast relented. "That he is."  
  
"What about Gaz being Devi?" Dragon asked  
  
Idgie turned to her, "I doubt Gaz could stand being around Tenna." she paused, contemplative. "Do you think Jhonen was killed by an ice cream man?"  
  
"Jhonen was killed by an ice cream man? Noooooo!" A girl in the 'I'm dancin' like a munkay' t-shirt screamed, running out the door.  
  
"That was a figure of speech!" Idgie screamed after her.  
  
The Slayer nodded "I know what you mean though," she said, "All the ice cream men on IZ are scarycrazy." She took on a hard look and lowered her voice. "'You like ice cream. You like ice cream. You love it. You cannot resist ice cream. To resist is hopeless. Your existance is meaningless without ice cream...'"  
  
"Not mention all the ice cream man bashing in IFS!" Ztar added.  
  
"...Or the spasaming one on Walk of Doom" put in Quin.  
  
"Do you think Gaz and Zim will ever get together?" Ztar mused.  
  
"I doubt it, since Zim'd be too busy with Dib" teased Idgie.  
  
"What about Gaz and Dib?" Tattoo girl said. Everyone stared. "They aren't related, remember?!?"  
  
CryingChild leaned back thoughtfully "Although I don't really care for either, I could understand ZADR before ZAGR, I mean, Zim and Dib are so much alike!"  
  
"So true," Ztar said, "I mean, they both want validation, they're both very paranoid and prone to ranting, both have huge egos..."  
  
"Dib's ego doesn't even COMPARE to Zim's!" Kat interjected.  
  
"What about all the fate-of-the world stuff? Or the, 'Sometimes even I scare myself with how amazingly,' etc;" Ztar countered.  
  
"Hmm, true, but at least Dib dosen't think he's superior to the entire human *race*" Kat returned.  
  
Ztar was unmmoved "That's 'cuz he's part of it."  
  
"They're similar in other ways anyway," Idgie mentioned, "for example, they're both obsessed with... stuff."  
  
"Eh," Quin said, "Pretty much everyone on IZ is obsessed with something, Prof. Membrane with his work, Gaz and Iggins with Gameslave, Keef with Zim, Miss Bitters with doom, GIR with... well, whatever happens to be in front of him at the moment."  
  
"...Be it piggy or button or Brainfreezy." Dragon finished.   
  
"Say, which do you think is better, Chocolate Bubblegum Brainfreezies, or Cherry Doom Brainfreezies?" KidK asked.  
  
This threw the entire table into a heated debate. What began as a spoken argument turned into a shouting match and closed with the throwing of many Brainfreezies. The moral of the story? Never discuss IZ theories while wearing white.  
  
-------  
  
Sorry if I made you say something that you think is total bullshingles. And if you mentioned in your Disc. that you had forthcoming JtHM, I assumed you'd read it by now. (I sure know KidK has:c) Skiya! 


	7. Day 3: Anger and Another Song

Okay, maybe I've been hanging around at my guild too much, but I feel that no IZ fan convention would be complete without an anti-nick section. After all, desiring DOOM for nick is part of IZ fandom, yes? Yes. So here it is: No own  
  
-------  
  
Invader Quin came down to the convention hall one morning, to see a fairly obvious new area. It was set slightly off from the rest of the festivities, and looked more or less like a big orange tent, a color that didn't exist in abundance anywhere else in the hall. She walked around the side to the entrance, and there any confusion as to what it was for was alleviated.  
  
The spiked, orange Nickelodeon logo was crossed out in paint that was an odd shade of red, no doubt intended to represent blood. Surrounding it, replicas of the disembodied heads of several nicktoons were impaled on pointed sticks. She noticed the others standing nearby and walked over to them.  
  
"You've got to admire the craftsmanship, I mean, *look* at that detail!"  
  
"The red dye and corn syrup really adds something."  
  
"I notice they used blue dye for the Butt Ugly Martians."  
  
"Gross."  
  
They eagerly approached. Drawing back the tent flap, they were instantly assaulted by the sounds of The Night Santa Went Crazy, with slightly rewritten lyrics.  
  
Down in Nick Studios,  
All the 'toons were making noise,  
Destroying our minds,   
And destroying our joy,  
When the boss busted in,   
Nearly made them wet their pants,  
Had a rifle in his hand,   
And a jar of fire ants,  
  
The song was punctuated with occasional sound effects, such as explosions, screams, and disturbing squishing noises. Several reproductions of Nickelodeon employees hung from the ceiling. After some artistic liberties, they all seemed extremely warped and monstrous. Every now and then an uneven glow, as if someone was welding something, came from a corner of the tent. One wall had a whole line of strange looking weapons on display, the two most reoccurring ones being futuristic lazer-looking things, and ordinary sporks.   
  
From his nose to his knees,  
He was covered with ammo,  
Like a big, fat, stupid, evil Herbie-Rambo,  
And he smiled as he said,  
With a strange gleam in his eye,  
"Nick is for kids,  
And you're all gonna die!"  
  
Someone grabbed The Slayer and shoved what looked like a gun in her hands, screaming "Quick!" and pointing to her left. A Cardboard re-creation of Spongebob popped up, and reflexively, she fired. A red paintball shot out, hitting him right in the face. "You got him!" the strange man cried enthusiastically, handing her a T-shirt with a picture of a solemn, trenchcoated girl holding a dangerous-looking knife, and the words "Anti-Nick" on it.  
  
"I'm scared!" Mel cried, clinging to her cousin.   
  
"Awww... don't worry Mel," CryingChild said, "you have nothing to fear as long as your IQ is higher than seven."  
  
She had apparently struck a chord, because Mel stiffened up and said "I'm not scared, then." unconvincingly. In a rare display of nurturing, CryingChild gave her a big hug, and patted her back.   
  
The night Scannel went crazy,  
The night 'ol Herb went insane,  
Realized that his network was stupid,  
Something finally must have snapped in his brain,  
  
Although the tent was fairly full, there were a few designated 'paths' made by red footprints that they were suggested to follow. Without much better an idea, the group of ten walked merrily down one of them, arriving at what was generally shaped like a batting cage. Fangirls and fanboys were lined up waiting to try. None of the ten could really see why this area was receiving so much attention, it seemed fairly simple. Plastic statues of nicktoons and employees were lined up at the end so people could fire paintballs at them. Cute, but hardly worth so much excitement. But when the person at the front of the line attacked a plastic Wilf Sharroks, the group gasped, and realized immediately. For it wasn't a paintball that came out of the gun, it was...  
  
Well, it was hard to say just what came out of it. When Dragon saw it, she thought it was molten steel. Bast thought it might be a small flamethrower. But after a few seconds of thought, everyone came to one conclusion...  
  
"A... laser." KidK said. And she was right. But this wasn't at all what one thinks of when they hear the word laser. This was truly a /lazer,/ to be spelled with a Z. For unlike any laser of human design, it made an incredible impact crater, not blast but *impact* on the far wall of the cage. Aimed perfectly, it hit Sharroks right in the head, making a 'Zootch!' sound. His head glowed yellow and expanded until it exploded with a loud POP! ...Leaving a smoldering neck stump which was jerked backwards with a rumbling of gears, as a fresh one was brought up, and the next fan in line went.  
  
Well the slime fountain's gone now,  
He decided to nuke it,  
Then he shot the employees,  
And he freed all the mutants,  
And he tied up the nicktoons,   
And he got knives and sickles,  
And you should see what's left of, Tommy Pickles!  
  
The group blinked in bewilderment. The lazer was fired again and a cheer went up as Pelswick's head was 'sploded, but our heroes stood in shock, all thinking the same thing. Even Mel knew a weapon like that didn't make sense in the real word, and certainly wouldn't be used for something like this. Unless...  
  
"Would you please sign here?" Kat jumped and turned, there was a woman in the Doom tee patiently standing behind her, and had clearly been doing so for quite a while. Her eyes traveled to the clipboard in the woman's hand. On it was a poll:  
  
What's the best way of dealing with Herb Scannel?  
  
1. Make him watch his network until his head explodes  
2. Kill him with lazers! No, Smoke machines!  
3. Convince him that it's a good idea to tease Nny, then sit back and watch the magic.  
4. Two words: Spork lacerations.  
  
Kat signed and circled her preference "Thanks. Wanna see the current results?" The woman asked. Not waiting for a reply, she flipped the paper over revealing a tally sheet.   
  
Number three was by far the preferred choice.  
  
He got Reggie and Otto,  
With a rusty old hacksaw,  
And he sliced up Ginger,  
Into Ginger coleslaw,  
And he took a blunt object,  
And he bashed CatDog's heads in,  
And he held them both up,   
And cried: "Who wants to pet 'em!??!"  
  
After a Nicktoon-filled laser tag-ish game, a Nick Minion skeet shoot, and a show styled after Celebrity Deathmatch in which Jhonen horribly killed Scannel, our heroes grew tired of seeing heads explode. That's what brought them to the computer terminal they were all huddled around now. It had several keyboards branching out from it, and a sign above it which read: Talk to VirtualScannel. You could type your name and question on the screen, and the "VirtualScannel Artificial Unitelligence" would answer it chat room format. Ztarlight started:  
  
Ztarlight: What is wrong with your brain?  
  
VirtualScannel: I had it surgically removed, that thing was holding me back anyway.  
  
Idgiebay: How can you rave about the quality of 'Rocket Power' and other such crap, but not see the goodness of IZ?  
  
VirtualScannel: See above answer.  
  
InvaderBast: How could IZ possibly corrupt the drooling babies who watch your network?  
  
VirtualScannel: The dark nature of the show could cause children to become violent and kill thier peers.  
  
InvaderQuin: Where's the logic in that?!?!  
  
VirtualScannel: Vat ees dis log-ick?  
  
KidKourage: Considering that, in your sad, deluded little world, IZ is a bad show, why did you take it on in the first place?  
  
VirtualScannel: Jhonen hypnotized me with his superpowers. Now all I can eat is cheese. Help me...  
  
CryingChild: No.  
  
VirtualScannel: Oh... the pain.  
  
TheSlayer: Are you the devil? If so, can you get me Pepito's autograph?  
  
VirtualScannel: The devil? Pssht, I am FAR more evil than that poser.  
  
DragonFromTheBlackLagoon: How many IZ fans have made attempts on your life?  
  
VirtualScannel: I don't know, I can't count higher than seven.  
  
Mel: What did you do that made everyone so mad?  
  
VirtualScannel: I was born, thereby make the world a horrible place of pointless filth.  
  
Kat23a: Would you please bash your head against the wall until your skull cracks in two? Pretty please?  
  
VirtualScannel: I did, that's why my brain works the way it does.  
  
"I haven't a clue who designed this..." Idgiebay said out loud, "But I'd like to shake her hand!"  
  
The night Scannel went crazy,  
The night Herbie went nuts,  
Now you can't hardly walk around Nick Studios,  
Without stepping in ugly butts,  
There's the national guard and the FBI,  
There's a van from the eyewitness news,  
And IZ fans laughing so hard they might die,  
And the bullets are flying,  
The body count's rising,  
And everyone's dying to know, oh Herbie why?   
My my my my my my, you used to be such a boring guy!  
  
The ten walked out of the anit-nick tent after the VirtualScannel conversation. Dooming is fun and all, but you can only do it for so long before it gets repetitive.  
  
"You know," The Slayer said, "Although we fangirls, as a species, are happy little elves, we sure can get sadistic when dealing with Nick."  
  
Dragon nodded. "It really is funny, even though Nick took in IZ willingly, it clamped down real fast. It just couldn't handle it. No wonder we're all outraged."  
  
"IZ isn't even violent, or grim, despite what they say. What made them *think* it was, if you asked me, is the fact it's so different from anything else out there. The Nick Minions couldn't predict what would happen next with it, and that unnerved them. It's all about control." KidK said.  
  
Bast smiled "Try not to trip getting down from that soapbox KidK!"  
  
A tension-relieveing giggle bubbled through the tensome, and just before they walked completely out of earshot from the tent, they heard one more line of the song play:  
  
Yes Virginia, now Herbie's got the chair... 


	8. Interlude: Workin' for Da Man

Okay, this one's a little short. Basically, just looks at two of the convention workers, to add atmosphere. More forshadowy goodness, probably confusingness too:c) Own nada, save convention workers.  
  
Next chapter will have that thing I had everyone pick a number for. If you wanna see a pic of these two, done cartoon doll style, go here: http://www.angelfire.com/comics/meobsessed/zzzconventiondoll.jpg  
  
Yes, I'm aware of how stupid the hat looks:c)  
----  
  
As the fan-filled festivities flourished, two young girls leaned against a wall, peoplewatching. They were both aged about sixteen, both worked at the convention, and both were on break now, doing what they did most every break: Observing the havoc.  
  
Many fans attending the convention were dressed like characters, but few could compare to any convention worker. One of *these* two was attired in a red, striped shirt that looked practically like a dress, with a pink turtleneck under it, giving the impression she was dressed in an Irken uniform. But the illusion didn't stop there, it continued with two purple pigtails the same shade as Devi's, and a tear tattoo under her eye. Add to this a long black trenchcoat, and a skull pendant around her neck, and she was truly a mishmash of fandom.   
  
The other one's attire was even more bizarre. Her spiked hair was topped with a black and white skull-decorated Doughboy hat. The Happy Noodle Boy face on her shirt, (replacing the normal bored face on Dib's,) was slightly marred by the zipper that covered part of it. Her boots were quite Nny-reminiscent, and her pants had the word 'doom' printed at the top. They were both deep in conversation, of sorts.  
  
"Zim Fan." Muttered one lightly, pointing at a passerby.  
  
The other nodded. "Gaz Fan." she replied, pointing to someone in the distance.  
  
"Dib Fan." Continued the first, pointing nearby.  
  
"Dib Fan? No way, look at her drool over that Voot Runner/Cruiser, she's *clearly* a Zim fan."  
  
"She's drooling over the electronic aspects of it. Trust me."  
  
"You're off your nut."  
  
"You're off *your* nut."  
  
"Y-" The second convention worker was cut off by the high-pitched giggle of the aformentioned Dib (or Zim) Fan. "GIR fan." they said in unison.  
  
"So," the first one began, "You looking forward to meeting Jho'?"  
  
"Are you looking forward to dying?"  
  
"Does that mean no?"  
  
"No, that means the answer is so obvious there's no point in asking the question."  
  
"I'm sure my questions don't have points, because eveyone says I'm blunt"  
  
"What is this, a Marx Brothers routine?"  
  
"Sorry. Dib fan." the first one pointed.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"That one."  
  
"What makes you say that? Looks like a Gaz fan to me."  
  
"Nuh-uh, look at the way he treats his trenchcoat."  
  
"Pssht, that means nothing, everyone loves Dib's coat." the second one's eyes glazed over suddenly. "Worship the coat." She said flatly.  
  
"Worship the coat." the other said, equally possessed. Both then returned to normal. "Do you think... you know ...will be there? At the end of the week, I mean?" the first one asked.  
  
"Of course! He's the star."  
  
"No, no, with him, there'd be no problem... I'm talking about... you know...."  
  
"Oh... with the potential casualties and all."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well, probably, I mean, it wouldn't be complete without him."  
  
"I suppose so. Ooooh, Keef fan!" The first pointed to a guy standing over by the character statues.  
  
"Oh yeah. You can spot *those* a mile away. But he has a crush on Gaz."  
  
"Howzat?"  
  
"He's been staring at that statue for the last twenty minutes."  
  
"He could just be admiring the paint job"  
  
"How daft are you?"  
  
The first one turned and looked shocked. "I do say madam, I am offended!"  
  
"Your British accent stinks too."  
  
"Oh, real nice."  
  
"Hey, you knew I was honest when you married me."  
  
"Married you?"  
  
"Figure of speech."  
  
"Speech has a figure? I'd have though it'd be non-corpreal."  
  
"Not anymore, now it's a non-admiral."  
  
"Maybe that's why it has such an admirable figure."  
  
"Okay, now you're *trying* to make our conversation a Marx Brothers routine."  
  
"You're right, and you can't stop me."  
  
The second one sighed and pointed. "Look! Something shiny!"  
  
The first one squealed and raced after the nonexistent shiny thing. The second one smiled and shook her head. 


	9. Day 4: Character Battles and Cheese

I'd like to thank everyone for patiently waiting for this chapter. I would also like to remind everyone that, I'm sorry, but I'm not letting any new people in this fic, I've even turned down a couple of friends. No own:c)  
  
------------  
  
"Heave!" the young boy cried, pulling at the metal chord.   
  
"Heave!" the other convention workers responded, pulling their respective chords. Much of the convention hall had, bit by bit, gathered around the blocked-off section of the hall, which seemed as though it was currently being dismantled. Our tensome was no exception, though they arrived slightly later than most, forcing them to weave through the masses of fans.  
  
"Move it!"  
  
"Outta the way!"  
  
"Invader coming through!"  
  
"Oooh, nice quote."  
  
"Thanks"  
  
They made their way to the front just as the last chunks of steel fell away from the outer edge. The crowd gasped and cheered at what lay underneath.  
  
It was even larger than the arena from BattleDib, and quite clearly styled after it. Some of the shorter fangirls fought for purchase on each other, hoping to actually see what was there. A guy with a Happy Noodle Boy shirt and a GIR beanie stepped up to the front.  
  
"Welcome, mighty Irken soldiers!" he said into a microphone, "...Paranormal investigators, master gamers, and magical talking cupcakes!" he added, without hesitation. The crowd cheered. "Welcome to Conventia, the convention hall planet!" Giggles swept through the fans. "Standing behind me is the Character Battledome! I'm sure you all remember your invitations said that there would be character battles here, but I doubt anyone was sure what they were. Well, you are all about to find out! Now..." he continued, lowering his voice, "May I have, out of the audience... A GIR fan?"  
  
The crowd exploded with cheering. Fangirls and fanboys screamed to be heard over the other fangirls and fanboys screaming to be heard. People jumped up and down, waving their arms wildly. It would be entirely possible for someone to have a seizure, right then and there, without anyone noticing.  
  
"Pick me! Pick me! I can sing the Doom Song from start to finish!"  
  
"I have an entire closet full of rubber piggies!"  
  
"I *am* a freaking rubber piggy! Pick me!!!"  
  
Like a kid in a candy store, the boy scanned the audience, his eyes finally resting on Dragon. "You!" he said, pointing. Dragon squealed and raced to the front as the other nine cheered for her.  
  
"And now," the boy continued, "I need... A Dib fan!"  
  
Once again, the crowd erupted, and once again, the boy's eyes settled on our heros. "You!" he pointed to Kat. She raced to the front and did a happy dance with Dragon.  
  
"Now... A Zim fan!" And this time the cheers seemed not just an attempt to be seen, but to dwarf the amount of noise generated by the Dib fans. The GIR fans had already outdone them both, in that respect. "You!" he pointed to Quin, and the happy dance had a new participant.  
  
"And last, but hardly least... A Gaz fan!" The crowd cheered loudly and desperately, as if giving it one last go, before the boy picked someone nearby, but not among our heros. She ran to the front and joined the Dance of Happy.  
  
"Alright, settle down people ... aww, who am I kidding, go nuts!" As the chaos died down, and things returned to what passed for calm in a room full of IZ fans, he held out the microphone to each fangirl respectively.  
  
"Would you please tell us your screen names?"  
  
"Dragon From the Black Lagoon."  
  
"Kat23a."  
  
"Invader Quin."  
  
"Miss Pigula."  
  
"Alright, Dragon From the Black Lagoon, go to the section of the Battledome lit in green, Kat23a, the one lit in blue, Invader Quin, red, Miss Pigula, purple." They headed for their respective sections, where they found and donned BattleDib-esque armor suits with green, blue, red and purple targets on the front. The announcer turned once more to the remaining audience members. "Now comes the ultimate test, to determine forever the most superior IZ character! ...And if you believe that, I have a condo on Blortch to sell you." Laughter flitted through the crowd. "Seriously, though this won't *officially* determine diddly-squat, it'll be something worth talking about, because, today, these four fangirls will be fighting for their obsessions! I present to you... Character Battles!!!"   
  
Lights flashed on and off crazily around the dome, and the floor opened up, allowing a row of giant tools to rise out. The row consisted of tongs, a dropper, a corkscrew, a nail  
file, and a q-tip. Kat choose the q-tip, Quin grabbed the tongs, Dragon took the dropper, and Miss Pigula selected the nail file.  
  
"Now, let the battle begin!" The announcer cried. Kat immediately dove towards Miss Pigula, who dove right back at her. Quin, seeing an opportunity, raced towards Miss Pigula as she focused on Kat. Meanwhile, Dragon, knowing everyone would expect her to target Miss Pigula, leaped after Quin. Miss Pigula saw Quin coming out of the corner of her eye and turned to her. Loosing focus and aim, her nailfile swung sideways, hitting Dragon's target just as she reached them. The game still moving, a glowing '1' appeared under 'Gaz' on the scoreboard.  
  
Quin charged at Miss Pigula, who jumped sideways, nearly losing her balance. Quin's tongs of doom, originally intended for Miss Pigula's target, missed and hit her shoulder, knocking the already-wobbly Pigula down. Quin frantically tried to steady her heavy tongs, but in the time it took her to do that, the cottonyness of Kat's q-tip collided with Miss Pigula's target, illuminating a '1' under 'Dib'. Unfortunately, the impact combined with the fact she was taking a running leap when they collided sent her into the q-tip forcefully. When they parted, her target was glowing.  
  
"Enough! Enough!" the announcer cried, "Battle one of three over! All but one player is out, but since the Dib fan got herself out, only two points are scored this round. Now, begin Battle two of three!" At the announcer's words, the floor lowered leaving 18 platforms. Flames shot out from where the floor was. Robotic arms emerged from the wall and attached cables to the four fans' backs, then rose out of sight. The crowd simply cheered, having seen too much bizarre stuff already this week to be shocked.   
  
"Pyrochaos!" the announcer cried, "Begin!"  
  
This time, Quin was out for revenge. She navigated around Miss Pigula, who was similarly headed towards Kat, and raced straight for Dragon. Dragon clutched her dropper defensively, and fired. A dropper as big as Dragon's was, however, offers little control, and most of what she fired fell past the platforms, hissing as it became stem. Meanwhile, Kat and Miss Pigula were swordfighting with their q-tip and nailfile, when a particularly hard collision of the weapons broke the q-tip in half, the two halves falling into the flames. Weaponless, Kat leapt from platform to platform, with Miss Pigula in hot pursuit.   
  
Quin, slowed by Dragon's firing, had just reached Dragon as Kat and Miss Pigula passed her. She held her open tongs with one handle in each hand, so that they looked like an open mouth. Dragon gave the dropper on last desperate squeeze, soaking Quin's hair, but leaving her target unscathed. Quin's tongs came down on Dragon's target, and a glowing '1' appeared under 'Zim.' Dragon, unhurt but feeling melodramatic at the moment, screamed and moaned, "Nooooooo!".   
  
Her mighty cry of "Nooooooo!" caused Miss Pigula to jump, sending her to the very edge of the platform she was on. She teetered on the brink of it for a few seconds, waving her arms wildly. Her nailfile swung around, hitting the nearby Kat on the back, forcing her off the platform she was on and down into the flames, Miss Pigula falling in after her. Seconds later, two Robotic arms lifted them out, both completely unscathed but with their targets glowing.  
  
"Battle two over, Battle two over!" The announcer cried happily. "Due to the penalty for falling in the flames, only one point is scored this round! Now, everyone wiggle your antennae, for the next battle is... Cyberarachnarama!" The crowd cheered, and the announcer feigned confusion for a moment "Wait..." he said, "Cyberachno? Spider robots? Do spiders have robots?" The crowd giggled. "Now... begin!"  
  
The top of the arena opened and four legless spider suits lowered from the ceiling. The spider suits were very similar to the ones from BattleDib, but they had colored targets on the outside. The suits opened and closed on their temporary owners so their heads were all that showed, as spider legs extended from the sides. Ignoring Dragon, who had no points and thus wasn't considered much of a danger, Kat, Quin, and Miss Pigula all dove towards the center where they met, streamed trails of "webs" behind them. They wove under, over and in between one another in a frenzy almost too rapid for the eye to see. Then, seconds later, they had all become entangled in a knot of white weblike stuff. Dragon giggled at the irony and scrambled around them, poking each of them on their targets. A '3' lit up under 'GIR.'  
  
"The game has ended!" The announcer cried joyfully, seemingly unable to keep himself from bursting into laughter. The weblike material fell apart and the spider suits opened, freeing the fans. "And the greatest IZ character ... at least, if this battle is any measure, which it probably isn't, but who cares?... Is GIR!" The crowd erupted in noise, and it was unclear whether they were cheering or protesting. Suddenly, moving almost as one, they flooded the stage, shaking the battle dome. Dragon, Kat, Quin and Miss Pigula squeed, and raced for the exit. A few minutes later the dome collapsed under the force of fandom.  
  
"Geez..." KidK muttered, sitting a safe distance away with the newly reunited tensome, "...It was only a game."   
  
"And I suppose Invader Zim is JUST a cartoon?" asked Ztar.  
  
"That's completely different." KidK said. Ztar nodded agreement as another chunk of steel fell.  
  
"So how COOL was it being in there?" Bast asked, "Details, details!"  
  
Kat, Quin and Dragon smiled at each other, and began rehashing. 


	10. Interlude: The Jukebox

Later, on the day of the character battle, the tensome experimented with the endless hallways. They found a lot of areas that they had never noticed before, like The Cupcake Arena, The Meekrob Booth, and The Horrible Unsanitary Bathroom of Doom. After an hour or so passed in this fashion, they entered a room that was less than remarkable, considering what they had grown used to here.  
  
Two of it's four walls were painted purple, the other two red. Just like dozens of other rooms here. Hanging every few feet were colorful screencaps from various episodes. Just like dozens of other rooms here. The walls also were graffitied with two-eyed, one-eyed, and Tak-style Irken logos, and phrases like "Do this smell?" and "Zim is an alien, all 180." There were also a few blacklights, and red lasers (not lazers, however) arranged in a neat pattern on the ceiling. Concealed fog- sorry, *smoke* machines covered the bottom foot of space in whitish mist. Most noticeably, there was what looked like an old fashioned 50's style jukebox, only with a more Zimmish color scheme. It was currently spurting out the "Determined Zim" theme, most notably in the background music for 'Parent Teacher Night' and 'Bloaty's Pizza Hog.' More than anything it looked like an IZ-themed dance club.  
  
Still, it wasn't particularly bizarre, and no one was really overwhelmed by it. It would, in fact, be a stretch to say they were all whelmed by it.  
  
"Eh, I could stand to pass this room up," said Bast, "you?"  
  
"Gimmie a minute, I'm exhausted!" whined CryingChild.  
  
"You know," Ztar said offhandedly, "You'd have a lot more energy if you gave up caffeine."  
  
There was a small pause, and both broke out laughing. Abruptly the music stopped, adding about seven decibels to their laughter. Had this happened elsewhere, they might have been embarrassed, but surrounded by Invader Zim fans, even normally shy people like Idgie and CryingChild had become quite outgoing around people they didn't actually know. ('Tis the power of obsessiveness.) Kat moved to select a new song, and noticed there were fewer Invader Zim themed ones than she expected. In fact, the first column of songs she saw didn't seem to have anything to do with Invader Zim at all.  
  
"Hey, look at this!" she called to the others. They crowded around and read the song titles:  
  
Elton John- "The Last Song."  
Aqua- "Cartoon Heroes,"  
Nickleback- "How You Remind Me"  
Liz Callaway- "Once Upon a December"  
Jewel- "Hands"  
Three Doors Down- "Kryptonite"  
  
There was a pause, and then KidK spoke. "Didn't... I mean, I'm pretty sure I've read songfics with at least two of these, and I've written one with *that* one..." She indicated 'Cartoon Heroes.'  
  
"Me too." Quin said, "In fact..." She looked over the list again, "I've read fics with each of these! Neat!"  
  
They all agreed that it was neat, then covered their ears as a girl with green hair turned on a new song... with all of them inches away from the speakers. After they moved to a safe distance, CryingChild, with her incredible knowledge of music from the 60-70's, noticed something about the song playing.  
  
"Hey, that's Norwegian Wood! ...I think. Why aren't any lyrics playing?"  
  
No one could come up with an answer to that, so they just stood, listening to the music for a while. The combination of the IZ atmosphere and the repetitiveness of the music had a strange effect on our fangirls...  
  
"Zim," Idgie sang softly,  
"Landed on Earth,  
To conquer the world,  
GIR saw a squirrel,  
  
"He,  
Set up his house,  
Then went to skool,  
Hoping to rule."  
  
Dragon snickered a little and picked it up,  
  
"But,  
Dib, he saw through,  
Through Zim's disguise,  
Saw with his eyes,  
  
"And,  
Chased Zim around,  
Right to his home,  
Stopped by the gnomes."  
  
By this point several of them were already swaying to the music. Kat jokingly "conducted" with her fingers, (using gestures that would produce a most bizarre sound were they leading a real orchestra) as The Slayer cut in,  
  
"He got,  
Photos of Zim,  
Zim went in his brain,  
Caused him much pain,  
  
"Gaz,  
She flushed Zim out,  
Dib flushed him down,  
Around and around."  
  
CryingChild punched The Slayer on the arm, then spun around as Quin caught the tune and joined in.  
  
"Things,  
Got worse for Zim,  
The day Dib learned,  
To him, water burns,  
  
"Zim,  
Went into space,  
Covered with glue,  
Built a balloon."  
  
"Dib," Kat sang,  
"Would not give up,  
Talked to some guys,  
With swollen eyes,  
  
"His,  
Dad kick him out,  
What a disgrace,  
Lost his briefcase."  
  
Most of the fans in the room were dancing by now. The previously mentioned green-haired girl overheard them and commented:  
  
"Zim,  
He made a plan,  
He was so mad,  
His plan was so bad,"  
  
She danced off towards the other side of the room without further comment. No one seemed to think this was unusual. Ztar felt the need to continue.  
  
"He'd,  
Put-kids-in-a-bus,  
Bound for a room,  
For certain doom.  
  
But,  
Zim blabbed his plan,  
Dib got away,  
Saw another day."  
  
"Zim," Sang CryingChild, smiling,  
"Fought Planet Jack-ers,  
He rescued Earth,  
Ain't that a first?  
  
"Then,  
He hypnotized,  
His hated foe,  
With Pos-tu-li-o."  
  
"La-ter," KidK continued,  
"On Halloween,  
They came to find,  
A place in Dib's mind,  
  
"Filled,  
With monsters galore,  
Who often said,  
Dib had a big head."  
  
"Dib," Went The Slayer  
"Brought tapes of Zim,  
To "Mysteries,"  
Said "Believe me please!,  
  
"The guy,  
Who hosted that show,  
Was such a putz,  
For calling Dib nuts."  
  
"Then the," Bast sang,  
"Al'ens from Squee!,  
Abducted Zim,  
Taped stuff to him,  
  
"The,  
The irony,  
So thick that I,  
Laughed 'til I cried."  
  
"We," CryingChild sang once more,  
Will always watch Zim,  
Gaz GIR and Dib,  
Keef and Old Kid!"  
  
She then turned to Mel, her hands cupped around a nonexistent "microphone," urging her to join. Overwhelmed, Mel combined the few, basic bits of knowledge she had of the show, and in a quavering voice, sang:  
  
"Zim,  
Zim is from Irk,  
Dib thinks he's a jerk,   
And GIR dosen't work."  
  
As if on cue, the song then stopped, and the spell was broken. "That was ... memorable." Bast quoted.  
  
"So... Brainfreezies?" KidK asked.  
  
"We just had some fifteen minutes ago!" Kat cried, "Let's at least wait two more."  
  
"I wonder why they didn't put lyrics in..." Ztar mused, though she had a good idea of what the answer probably was. Dragon verbalized it:  
  
"Maybe they knew something like this would happen. After all, this isn't just an IZ convention, it's an IZ FANFICTION one... Everyone here is an author, with song parodying in their blood, and stuff."  
  
While a few of the fangirls debated this and others looked at their watches waiting for two minutes to pass, CryingChild hugged her cousin until her eyeballs seemed ready to burst out of her skull and splatter against the wall. "Mel's an IZ-hol-ic! Mel's an IZ-hol-ic!" she sang, in playground-taunting style.  
  
"Oh, sure, grow up!" Mel frowned, folding her arms.  
  
"Say!" The Slayer cried, "That reminds me..."  
  
-----  
  
What was The Slayer reminded of??! Why DIDN'T the song have any lyrics!? Will Mel's eyeballs burst out of her skull and splatter against the wall?? All this and less will be answered in the next DOOMED chapter of... When Fangirls Attack!!!  
  
...By the way, it might interest you to know that they all arrived (arbitrarily :c) at the convention on Monday. That would make Day 5 Friday. And you all know what THAT means...^_^ 


	11. Day 5: Smiles and Surround Sound

Okay, for the record, I'm aware that stupid Nick has taken Zim off of Fridays, but I'm  
living in a deluded fantasy world, so humor me. Also know that the idea of trivia on the  
screen in this chap is from a Dr. Who convention I was recently privileged enough to  
attend. Most, not all, of it is true. If you want I'll reveal what was made up and what  
wasn't in the Author's Notes for the next chappie. No own.   
  
I'll probably regret this, but... Invader Nina left a review asking to be in a bit part. I had  
need for a random fangirl in this and other chapters, so... I decided to replace the nameless  
random fangirl with Invader Nina. HOLD YER HORSES! I'll now take requests from  
anybody who wants a bit part in one of my fics, BUT! I won't have enough parts for  
everyone. It'll be first come, first serve. And you'll be likely to get one, two lines tops. I'm  
not writing any new people in, just replacing random fans with real ones. So think about it  
before you ask, kay? Kay.  
  
One last thing: If you haven't yet seen The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever, I ***HIGHLY***  
recommend you skip this chapter. It contains massive, MASSIVE spoilers, and it would  
just ruin the fantastic episode.  
-----------  
  
Oh day of days, oh frabdigous day of happy doom. What the hell does "frabdigous" mean?  
Well, that's not important right now, what IS important, is that it's FRIDAY! Also known  
as Zimmy Zim Doom Night, the most wonderful day of the week! And, for obvious  
reasons, THIS Friday is especially doomy, for if you've been paying any attention at all so  
far, you'll know this Friday is to be spent at an IZ fanfiction convention! Surely this will  
involve horrible tumor-inducing fun of incredible proportions! So without further ado,  
let's join our heroes in their massive fun!  
  
"Whadaya MEAN we can't come in?!" The Slayer shrieked.  
  
"The South Wing Convention Hall is to be closed temporarily due to safety concerns." An  
incredibly bored guard muttered through his teeth. During their stay, our heroes had  
noticed a distinct difference between the staff working for the hotel and the staff working  
for the convention itself, and this man clearly belonged to the former.  
  
"Will it at least be open by 8:30?" Dragon asked, "No wait, I mean, 8:00, or 7:00, or, or,  
whenever it is Nicks switched it around to."   
  
"I don't know, miss."  
  
"Do you know ANYthing that might conceivably be useful to us? Anything?" Dragon  
asked, her eye twitching.  
  
"I don't know, miss."  
  
"Then I hate you."  
  
"That's nice, miss."  
  
"Well, now what are we going to do?" Quin asked  
  
"Dunno," Idgie replied, "Mongo only pawn in game of life."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"Can we go shopping for souvenirs, cousin Sarah?" Mel asked, a hopeful and slightly sad  
look in her eyes.  
  
CryingChild groaned, but softened when she saw Mel's expression. "Rrrgh... well, I guess  
it wouldn't be fair if you didn't do SOMEthing you could enjoy but... geez, can't you go  
yourself?"  
  
"But.. but I can't go alone!" she cried helplessly. "Please? I haven't done ANYthing good  
all week, and... and..." her eyes began to tear.  
  
A trapped animal look in her eyes, CryingChild glanced around, then sighed  
melodramatically. "Okay, okay, you've got me. I'll go shopping with you. But then I shall  
have to kill you."  
  
"THANKS Sarah!" Mel said with relief, hugging her cousin in a death grip of love.  
  
"This is such a Kodak moment..." Ztar held up her fingers, miming a camera.  
  
"Shaddap. I'll skiya'll later. Go forth, and conquerrrrr!" CryingChild said, as she mimed  
being dragged away by her retreating cousin.  
  
"Well, that was... memorable." Bast said.  
  
"Is that the most-often quoted JtHM line or what?" mused Dragon.  
  
"No, no, 'I have head-explody!' THAT'S the most quoted JtHM line." KidK interjected.  
  
"Ah yes. Well, now what?" asked The Slayer.  
  
"Not sure. It didn't occur to me that we might have to actually THINK of things to do  
with our BRAINS." said Bast  
  
"Well, I suppose I could do some more checks in my room," Kat said, "but really, that  
whole muder-victim-ghost thing was such a bust. I haven't seen ONE sign of him. I hate  
him!" she quoted, "I hope he di- Oh yeah."  
  
"Well..." Idgie began, "we could always look around the city. There should be something  
interesting."  
  
"This part seemed to be mostly stores and bars and restaurants." Ztar practically moaned  
"But there might be more things over on the North side."  
  
"How would we get there?" KidK reasoned "None of us have a car, and this strip goes on  
for miles."  
  
"Okay, YOU think of something then." challenged Quin  
  
"Well," KidK responded, "maybe we could look around the hotel a bit before we try the  
city. There might be a pool or an arcade or something."  
  
"Now that's what I call thinking!" Ztar exclaimed. "It's also what I call broccoli, but that's  
another matter."  
  
"A strange matter." Bast observed  
  
"Isn't that the stuff you get when you use a particle accelerator?" Kat began ranting, "And  
that could hypothetically change all the atoms in the universe until everything is flung  
suddenly to pieces in a giant wave of doom? Huh?! HUH?!"  
  
"Blue!" explained Bast.  
  
"Oh, okay then."  
  
And so our intrepid heroes wandered aimlessly around the lobby for twenty minutes  
straight. They soon found a hallway that looked promising, and started down it. Before  
long they came to what initially looked like a bar, but was filled with several fangirls who  
were clearly under twenty-one. It seemed to our heroes that most of the other people who  
had been attending the convention were dispersed throughout the hotel, trying to kill time,  
just as they were, until the convention hall opened again. The hotel must have been  
anticipating this, as they had prepared by opening their bar to the larger, younger crowd  
drawn by the convention. Our heroes had been walking for quite a bit now, and most of  
them were thirsty, so they secured a large table near the empty stage and ordered sodas.  
  
As they sipped their delightfully caffeinated drinks and muttered half-formed plans for the  
rest of the day, the curtains on the stage parted revealing a young girl in a Ride The Piggy  
shirt. She stepped up to the microphone.   
  
"I am Invader Nina," she said shyly, "and this is my song." Immediately some soft, tinkly  
and techno-sounding music began playing slowly. Nina closed her eyes and began to sing:  
  
"I've traveled the world, and I've loved all it's beauty  
Every last landmark I found  
I've discovered the joys that this world has to offer  
All of the mountains, cities, trees and ground  
And I've campaigned for years against deforestation  
To give Mother Earth a fresh start  
But I'd burn every last redwood tree to the ground  
If it would give me a place in your heart!"  
  
The music suddenly changed, the beat sped up and the melody altered. It became very  
fast-paced. Invader Nina opened her eyes and began dancing around the microphone, her  
singing was more enthusiastic as she continued:  
  
"Well I'd... shoot a warhead into St. Louis  
I'd blast Italy into the air  
I'd blow up Nevada, I'd level Madrid  
There'd be rubble and dirt everywhere  
So you, say you want to conquer me?  
Well, I'll tell you what I'll do  
Oh Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!  
That's right, Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!"  
  
She did a dangerous looking twirl, still holding the microphone stand and continued:  
  
"I want to carve your face on Mt. Rushmore  
In place of Washington  
For you, I'll start the third World War  
Once I can find some plutonium  
Do you find all of this morbid?  
Well, ...every bit is true  
Oh Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!  
That's right, Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!"  
  
The music abruptly ended and the crowd cheered. Invader Nina gave an exaggerated bow.  
Our heroes decided that maybe this wouldn't be such a bad place to kill time...  
  
...And so, time was killed. Quite a great deal of time, in fact, so when the announcement  
finally came over the PA system giving the all-clear for IZ convention goers, they were  
relieved in more ways than one. Reunited with an exhausted and exasperated CryingChild  
and a considerably happier Mel, they piled into the convention hall and saw WHY it had  
been closed all morning. They had completely redone a huge section of it as a gigantic  
IMAX theater! Hordes and hordes of raving fans climbed over one another for the chance  
at a precious seat. As the chaos eventually died down and the dust cleared, no one noticed  
there had been seating to spare making their struggle rather pointless. Our heroes'  
collective gaze turned heavenwards as the massive IMAX speakers powered up. Seconds  
later the blessed Invader Zim theme screamed through the ears and hearts and minds of  
every fangirl in the tri-county area. It was that most magical time of the week, of any  
week.  
  
It was the Zim Time.  
  
As the camera panned to Earth from space the title of: "The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever"  
appeared. In small white lettering, bits of trivia appeared at the bottom of the screen:  
  
(Episode Number: 37, First Aired: December 10, 2002, Production Code: 29)  
(Alternate title: Jolly Jolly Jingle Doom)  
  
"'EARTH: TWO MILLION YEARS IN THE FUTURE'" Typed out onto the screen. The  
camera faded into a bedroom where a group of young children sat in front of a robotic  
snow man.  
  
"So raise the shields and have ye some joy 'cause Christmas time is here!" Mr Sludgy sang.  
The screen scrolled up more trivia.  
  
(Fred Tatasciore, the voice of Mr. Sludgy has played several small but memorable roles on  
Invader Zim including Turkeyneck, Agent Darkbootie and Desmond Flapp. He has also  
voiced minor characters on Family Guy and Baby Blues)  
  
The children vibrated with glee and cheer. The fangirls sighed and smiled as the episode  
continued to play. Soon the screen filled with images of Zim, GIR and MiniMoose  
soliciting funds.   
  
"Watch my dog eat snow!" Zim cried, "You! Watch the snow-eating! The amazing  
snow-eating trick isn't working! The filthy horrible humans aren't giving us any Earth  
monies. We need Earth monies to appear as normal Earth pigs. Hiiiiya!" He kicked GIR  
into the snow.  
  
("Monies" Are Irk's single official currency. They have no smaller subdivisions such as  
nickels, dimes or pennies.) The trivia scrolled.  
  
"MiniMoose!" Zim shouted. MiniMoose squeaked his reply.  
  
(This is the only episode to feature MiniMoose in it, he was in created in Nubs of Doom  
which was canceled.)  
The trivia continued to scroll.  
(Jhonen Vasquez plays MiniMoose in this episode, as well as the computer and the voices  
of two children)  
  
"How much have we earned?" Zim asks. MiniMoose squeaked again and faced towards  
Zim, who looked into the collection plate. There were a couple of bucks, some change, a  
sandwich, and a heart. Zim picked up the sandwich and sniffed it. "Tuna!?!" he cried,  
"Tuna is worth nothing!!" Trivia continued to scroll:  
  
(Tuna is actually legal tender in some countries)  
  
So Zim, in an attempt to discover the source of his problem noticed several Salvation  
Army Santas nearby. Suspecting some kind of conspiracy, he turned his attention to the  
mall. A sign hung out front reading 'SEE SANTA NOW!' A mall Santa was set up is in the  
middle of the open area of the mall. A line of children waited to see Santa, with GIR at the  
front of the line. An enormous elf stood next to Santa.  
  
(You can see the Video Outhouse in the mall from FBI Warning of Doom.)  
(Peaches, the large clerk assistant who threw people on the conveyor belt in Game Slave  
2, is a giant elf at the Mall.)  
  
"And what do you want, little boy or girl?" Groaned the mall Santa, patting GIR on the  
head.  
  
(There were more rewrites of this scene than any other part of the episode, mainly  
involving several versions of GIR's wishlist. Alternate drafts included a seven-foot  
macaroon, a box of oily rags...)  
  
"I wants me a barrel of floss!" GIR squealed as the trivia scrolled.  
  
(...A tiny piano, seventeen and a half turtles, a traveling circus...)  
  
"I wants me two balls of glue TO BE MY FRIENDS!"   
  
(...A marshmallow hat, tin monkeys and a bola )  
  
"And I wants to go dancing NAKED!"  
  
(Originally Nickelodeon didn't want GIR to say this line, because they felt it implied he  
wanted to be a stripper. The fact that GIR is almost always naked didn't seem to phase  
them. GIR's total innocence eventually turned them around.)  
  
Jillions of fangirls watched as Zim captured and interrogated Santa. Then their attentions  
fled to the Membrane house. "Three Christmases ago," Gaz spat, "that dog ate the head  
off of Bitey the Vampire! You said so yourself! I haven't forgotten."  
  
(Contrary to rumors, Hottopic will not be coming out with a Bitey The Vampire doll.)  
  
"Well, fixing an alien spaceship is hard enough without you distracting me." Dib shot  
back.  
  
(Fixing an alien ship really is hard. He's not joking.)  
  
As Dib continued his attempts to fix Tak's Spittle Runner, he caused a blackout, and they  
watched as Professor Membrane took up the scene by fixing it again. "Power is restored  
to the Earth once more." He shouted. "It's a good thing I exist!" Membrane leapt in the air  
and shot a beam of energy at the door.  
  
(There was originally supposed to be an episode where Prof Membrane gained  
superpowers, but it too, was canned by Nick.)  
  
Before long Zim had won the hearts of pretty much everyone masquerading as Santa. "My  
heart explodes with joy!" cried one woman, keeling over.  
  
(Originally there was to be a small spurt of blood coming out of the woman's chest as her  
heart exploded. Guess who found that inappropriate?)  
  
"It's alllll yours, Santa!" President Man said enthusiastically.  
  
(The voice actor for this role was arrested on Nov 14 2002 for child pornography and  
having sex with a 14 year old boy)  
  
As people flocked to Zim and Membra\ne revealed his secret vendetta against Santa, Zim  
was on top of the world. Until...  
  
"What's the matter, Santa!?!" Came Dib's mocking voice from offscreen.   
  
Zim turned and stared in shock "Dib!" he cried with loathing.  
  
"How do we know this is the real Santa!?!" Dib asked, turning to the crowd.  
  
Sensing a possible danger, Zim sat and tried to project confidence. "Eh, of course I'm  
Santa! I have robot elves!" As he spoke, the elves shoot lasers from their eyes up into the  
air.   
  
The crowd oohed. "Robot elves!" one person cried, "Just like in the stories!"  
  
"What stories had robot elves?" Dib asked incredulously.  
  
(There is actually one Christmas story with robot elves in it. But it's not very good.)  
  
As the story moved on, pupils dilated and contracted in fascination. Zim's suit gained  
power, nearly destroying Zim's personality. "Ooh's" and "Ah's" came from the fangirl  
audience as Zim in the suit and Dib in a robot battled. The suit leapt over the crowd to  
Dib, who fell backwards in his 'bot. Without a pause, the suit swiped one of its candy cane  
claws at Dib. Dib frantically grabed the controls and moved out of the way just in time,  
causing the suit to instead hit the nearby doom teleporter. The crowd scattered out of the  
way of the falling debris, except for 45, who was crushed. Claws swung, breaking off the  
laser cannon of Dib's 'bot.  
  
"Rough him up real good, Johnny! Yeah!" a hunchbacked woman screamed.  
  
(Although there is no actual proof of this, many have speculated this woman is an aged  
Devi. Jhonen has neither confirmed nor denied this. If so, it should give an interesting new  
meaning to her words.)  
  
In the end the suit was destroyed along with Zim's plan. As Dib stood over the raging  
crowd in his giant robot, fangirls were treated to the biggest cameo set in Invader Zim  
history...  
  
"Would Santa have teleported you into space?" Dib asked of the mob, "You were so  
desperate for a real Santa that you believed a monster in a costume! That's not Christmas!  
Go home! Forget about this! And spend time with your families... er whatever."  
  
(If you look carefully here, you can see Kyle Menke, Eric Trueheart, Tavi and Rikki  
Simons, Roman Dirge, Chris Graham -Also clutching 45's hat sadly- Brent Crowe, Jay  
Bondy, Courtney Lilly, and Shawn Murray.)  
  
Zim became the Easter Platypus. Santa attacked. Fangirls blissed. As the credits rolled,  
one last bit of trivia scrolled under them.  
  
(This episode ended up being too weird for the censors, and a good amount of stuff had to  
be edited out with Jhonen's help -completely against his will, as his contract was over, and  
he wasn't even supposed to be working on the show anymore. Things got so bad Jhonen  
almost quit working on the episode. But he didn't. Yay.)  
  
When the ending song had finally finished, a cheer so loud it seemed to shake the  
foundations of the building erupted as one sustained note. And, as happens so very often  
when Invader Zim fans are involved, chaos erupted. Miraculously, no one was trampled as  
the legions of nutbags stampeded out of the theater and all around the hotel. Cheers and  
laughter and screams echoed hours into the night, and our Ten Walkers laughed and cried  
and braided each others' hair and all those things that happy, happy teenage girls are  
supposed to do. They reveled in Jhonenyness and were so happy, so thrilled, that not even  
CryingChild noticed that Mel was strangely distant...  
  
...As if in awe.  
  
----------------------  
  
Fwahahahaha! The sweet, sweet tendrils of fandom are enclosing my unsuspecting cousin!  
Next chapter: Another Mel Contemplation Scene! 


	12. Interlude: Addicted to Zim

Next chapter, no comment, no own. Go see "Willard," it's the best movie ever. Song is to the tune of Addicted to Love, or Addicted to Spuds if you're a Weird Al fan.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
The soft, blapping sound of her cousin's quiet snores came from the next room. It was annoying, but it wasn't what was keeping Mel awake. Her eyes half-closed, try as she might she couldn't keep the scenes from replaying in her mind. The voices she had heard earlier that day recited lines, phantom faces drifted across her mental field of vision. Trying to stop these images was futile, and allowing them to wash over her was oh-so-pleasurable. Like a psychic balm, sedating her and filling her with a quiet kind of ecstasy. This was what he had once imagined being in love was like.  
  
The show comes on, run to your room,  
Prepare for wondrous doom,  
Your nose hurts, pressed to the screen,  
And in your eyes, an ominous gleam...  
  
She knew this wasn't normal. She was afraid and angry at herself, but when she pictured Zim's face in her mind, the negative emotions melted away. A peaceful smile crawled up her face, but she set her teeth and halted it. She forced her thoughts elsewhere, and redirecting them was no easy task. She counted to ten, then backwards from ten. She mentally recited a poem she had memorized for school. But she couldn't banish her frightening thoughts. Her eyes grew hot. She didn't want this...  
  
Thinking about these things made it hard for her to lie still. She got out of bed and paced. It wasn't easy trying to change her mind in the hotel room, where even the bed she had just lain in was plastered with a large [Z?]. Walking over to the balcony, she let the cooling air tickle her skin, her blood singing through her veins at an incredible pace. "Oh yeah..." she whispered, letting out a nervous giggle when she realized her voice had the same inflections Zim's had in the day's episode.  
  
You can't sleep, you can't eat,  
With each quote, you're in deep,  
When your show's on, you just stare,  
And in your eyes, an eire glare...  
  
She didn't want this! She didn't want her life to be taken over by this thing, this obsession which threatened to consume her. She had to ignore it, had to let it pass. Had to find some way to push this out of her mind. But the crisp voices, the candy colors, the sweeping motion and fantastic dialogue. Everything about the show remained, persistently in her mind. Somewhere.  
  
Your chances of hiding your passion are slim,  
Soon you will have to admit that you love him,  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to Zim  
  
She shook her head, as if to clear away invisible strands of gossamer thought. Turning back to her luggage, she sifted through the folds of soft clothing until she pulled out a book she had brought along, something about horses. After just seconds of letting her eyes roll over the words, she knew she would never really read it. It just didn't seem entertaining anymore. It was almost bizarre, just a few days ago she had been incredibly interested in that story, but as a form of entertainment it suddenly paled in her eyes when compared to what she had seen that day.  
  
See other shows, but think they're dumb,  
You're dancing to a different drum,  
You cannot help but look,  
Another minute, you'll be hooked, an open book...  
  
She spun on one heel. It was kind of exciting, the idea of becoming a fan. Everyone she had seen at the convention seemed so happy, so overjoyed by something as simple as a new design on a t-shirt, or a good piece of fanart. She wondered what it would be like to feel so reckless, so free. To be able to shout nonsense and sing ridiculous songs in public without turning red. She thought about living vicariously through the surreal adventures of these fantastic characters, and living quite naturally in her own life as well. More than naturally, living *intensely* in a wonderful world she had never seen before.  
  
It's the Doom Song,  
And so of course you sing along,  
Swear to conquer Earth,  
Just don't disrupt your mirth...  
  
What would her mother say? Would she have to hide it from her? Could she hide it from her? Could she hide it from anyone? It didn't seem to matter. Everything felt cool and natural, and she swayed as if dancing to some alien song heard only by a few, and listened to by fewer. Everything would be okay as long as she had this feeling with her. And along with it came so much more, she wanted to express her obsession through pictures and words. She wanted to plaster her room with screenshots and quotes. She wanted to giggle and rehash all her favorite bits, and make wild, ridiculous stories about them. She could never hide this feeling.  
  
Your chances of hiding your passion are slim,  
Soon you will have to admit that you love him,  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to Zim  
  
Slowly, she turned and walked over to her cousin's bedroom. The soft purple carpet seemed to caress her feet, welcoming her.  
  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Zim,  
  
Her cousin lay prone and asleep. Mel shook her shoulder and she stirred.  
  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Zim,  
  
"Mmm..." CryingChild said, waking. "Mel? What is it? Are you okay?"  
  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Zim,  
  
"Sarah?"  
  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Zim,  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Zim...  
  
"I want to sing the Doom Song now."  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
BOO-yah! And another innocent soul falls victim to the forces of fandom! 


	13. Day 6: Insane Initiation

I'm mentioning this here because it's my most read fic, or at least the most reviewed one. I plan to finish up all the fanfics I've started- you'll notice I've been updating like mad lately. After that, I'm leaving. Oh stop freaking out, will you? I said I'd finish all the other fics first. And I'm not even leaving FFN, really. Just the Invader Zim forum. Even that isn't written in stone, though I sincerely doubt I'll ever return. It's not any fun for me any more, that's all. It happens.   
  
This isn't a pathetic plea for attention, just a notification of future plans.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It was with an air of unnatural pride that CryingChild led Mel down the stairs into the lobby. A teacher with her prized pupil, a mother with her child, an evangelist with her first successful convert. All of these paled in comparison to the aura she radiated, approaching the crowd she'd spent much of her week with. In comparison, Mel seemed freshly intimidated by her surroundings. She knew she had started something that would be difficult to arrest, should she change her mind. Hesitantly she looked behind her, as if the events of the previous night were waiting there. But when nothing could be found except for fangirls, she looked determinedly forward, as they reached the others.  
  
"Wazzap, CC?" asked The Slayer.  
  
"UFOs." CryingChild replied. "Listen all, Mel has something important to say. Everyone pretend to be serious."  
  
They all watched, anticipating, as Mel spoke. "I, um. I... wanttobeafangirl."  
  
A cry of exultation rose from the rest, and they all began talking at once.  
  
"All right Mel! I'll teach you everything I know about Bigfoot!" Kat said.  
  
"Admitting is the first and most important step!" said KidK.  
  
"Yeah, running around and being all crazy is the second." warned Quin.  
  
"I anoint thee with tree scratchies!" Bast cried, miming beating Mel with tree branches.  
  
CryingChild tried to spare her cousin, who was already clinging to her in fear. "Down girls, relax. Let's ease the little one into it, huh?"   
  
"I've got an idea!" Ztar cried. She gestured a little, and the others responded by forming a circle around Mel. She then grabbed an extremely large knife from a nearby display and turned to her.  
  
"Meep." Mel said.  
  
Ztar pointed with the knife. "Do you, Melanie, wish to give yourself over to insanity?"  
  
Mel gave a confirming glance at her cousin, who nodded. "Yes." she said.  
  
"Do you vow to watch IZ whenever Nick begrudgingly hands out a rerun?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you intend to reach new and exciting levels of obsessiveness, to go where no normal person has ever gone?"  
  
"Y-yes..."  
  
Ztar nodded with satisfaction and raised the knife. "Kneel, Melanie." Mel uneasily did so. Ztar then tapped the knife once on each of Mel's shoulders, in the manner of a queen knighting someone. "And arise, Invader Mel."  
  
A smile spread across Invader Mel's face as the circle cheered her, then held hands and chanted, "One of us... one of us..." in disturbing tones. CryingChild hugged her tighter than ever, and Mel grinned from ear to ear.  
  
"I feel like celebrating! Let us outfit this new thrall!" Dragon said.  
  
"Yes! And initiate her! Educate her!" Added Idgie. Everyone cheered.  
  
They conveyed Mel to a booth filled from end to end with t-shirts. CryingChild promised to buy her any one of them.  
  
"Choose whatever your heart desires!" She said. Mel, who was currently wearing a pair of pink jeans and a white shirt with musical notes on it, looked around. Now, CryingChild expected her to pick a nice GIR-themed shirt. Possibly the "Gimmie a Hug!" or "I'm Dancin' Like a Munkay!" tee. It was indeed a shock to her when she headed straight for the Nailbunny shirts.  
  
"Who's this?" she pointed to Nailbunny. This invoked a rapt recitation of character traits from her companions. Mel listened carefully to all this, then decided. "This is the shirt I want."  
  
Once that was purchased, along with a couple of patches which they attached to her jeans, they were all reluctant to stop there.  
  
"Let's give her a neat hairstyle!" Bast said.  
  
"Dyed all sorts of freaky colors!" Dragon added.  
  
The Slayer was intrigued. "I'll bet you twenty bucks I can make her hair look like Devi's!" she said.  
  
Four hours and two bottles of purple Manic Panic later, she lost the bet. "Um... I think that's about as good as it's gonna get." She said sheepishly. She placed the dreading Mel in front of a mirror for inspection. Her hair was a far cry from Devi's, for starters, the dye hadn't taken very well, and it was almost as pink as her pants. And rather than the scythelike pigtails that were Devi's trademark, she had one pigtail that was twisted, curled and knotted directly up, and another that bent over halfway, giving the distinct impression she had bunny ears.  
  
"I like it." Mel decided.  
  
KidK gave her an appraising glance. "Wait! I know the perfect finishing touch!" She pranced over to a nearby booth and purchased a Fillerbunny toy, then placed it in Mel's waiting arms. "I dub thee- Mel the Mad Bunny!  
  
She looked in the mirror again and a grin grew on her face. "I am Mel zee Mad Bunny!" she cried, giggling and surprised at herself. The other fangirls took up the chant. "Mel zee Mad Bunny! Mel zee Mad Bunny!"  
  
Next came the education- They found a room that seemed almost designed for the purpose, seventeen different televisions were playing different episodes of IZ, while a table in the middle contained copy after copy after copy of the JtHM and Squee! trade paperbacks. Mel soaked up the new knowledge while the others refreshed and renewed their own fandom. She also spent some time at the nearby computer terminals, catching up on FFN.  
  
Some considerable hours later, they emerged.   
  
"That was so neat!" Mel the Mad Bunny exclaimed. "I especially like the one with the giant hamster, that was great!"  
  
"Well, she looks like an IZ fan," Kat begin, "And she knows the fandom now. But I still think we need to initiate her!"  
  
"How the crap do we do that?" CryingChild asked.   
  
They all got in a huddle and whispered, giggling occasionally. Finally, they broke apart. Grinning madly, they blindfolded Mel, who didn't complain. They walked her around for a while, then stopped. At once, they tore away her blindfold and ran. Mel gasped. She was on an enormous stage, in front of a microphone. There was a whole crowd in front of her, many were preoccupied by the rest of the convention, but plenty were watching her, with mixed levels of interest. She froze, terrified. At the anxious look on her face, CryingChild feared they had made a mistake. But then, words from Cecil B. Demented came to her.  
  
"You're one of us now! You know what to say!"  
  
Mel nodded. She was uncertain at first, but midway through she grabbed the microphone and began to lean on it eagerly. "I... I have a million corn nibblets in my jock straps of spooky doom, fear me! Monkey, monkeee!" she cried, "I's dancin' like a munKAY! Whoo!" she pulled a safety pin out of one of her patches. "I posses the ultimate weapon, blargh, woogh!"  
  
"Oh my God! Who gave her a sharp object!?!" Someone yelled appreciatively.  
  
Mel smiled and laughed, giving herself over to madness, not caring what any onlookers might think. 


	14. Day 777:

I am in so much pain. Writing this chapter was like pulling teeth, then sharpening them on steel blades and using them to shave off my own corneas. And I LIKE my corneas, too.  
  
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and receive many endorphins from your patient, deserving brainmeats. I tried to contact you, bakurakrazie, but I couldn't get a hold of ya. So you ain't in this. Sowwy.  
  
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It was approximately four AM the next morning when Bast awoke to a pair of fingers pinching her nose shut. She snorted blearily; ready to doom whomever it was that dared interrupt her fandream-filled slumber. "Ugh... zuh... feelmuh wrathhhzzz...." She mumbled, swinging out a sleepy fist.  
  
"Bast! Wake up, consarn it!" Kat shook her back and forth, snapping her into reality.  
  
"Kat??" Bast said, her foggy brain still trying to awaken. "You are the dreaded nose pincher!?"  
  
"You're a marshmallow peep!?" CryingChild said, poking her head into Bast's field of vision.  
  
"Not now, CC" Said Kat.  
  
"It's not just Kat." Dragon said, "It's all of us!" And as Bast squinted, she was able to make out the nine figures of her fellow fangirls, all huddled in a circle around her.  
  
"Yeah," Said Ztar, "Waking up this early is no problem if your roommate sleep-screams."  
  
"I can't help my Squeelike nightmares, mmkay?" KidK replied.  
  
"Someone had better explain why I'm conscious right now, because if they don't I'm gonna start bustin' heads." Said Bast.  
  
"Don't be such a baby." Idgie said. "Sleep is evil, right?"  
  
Bast took a deep breath, and calmly explained that she felt she may have been to hasty in her past judgment of sleep, and that she wished to explore this possibility further, preferably alone and in a dark, quiet environment. She then fell back and began snoring. The Slayer slapped her until she woke up.  
  
"Come on, Bast-Chan." Mel said, not even knowing what 'Chan' meant, "We have to hurry!"  
  
"We figure the line to meet Jhonen is going to be a jillion miles long," Quin explained, "So we want to get there REAL frickin' early."  
  
Bast's brain had now awakened a bit more, and she realized that being the first to meet Jhonen was quite the tempting prospect. "I'll need coffee."  
  
"Already taken care of!" CryingChild said, standing by Bast's in-room coffeepot. A few minutes later they had made it to the convention hall. They approached the doors, congratulating themselves on their brilliant idea of getting up early to wait in line. Then they walked through the doors and learned that everyone else in the hotel had the same brilliant idea. They sighed and groaned, taking their places at the end of a gargantuan line.  
  
"Arrrrgh! Frustration!" Ztar screamed, grinding her teeth.  
  
"Hold me higher! I still can't see!" Mel said from atop KidK's shoulders.  
  
"No." KidK said. "My career as a stepladder is officially over." She set her back on the ground.  
  
"Wahahaha, your height is useless to you!" Dragon cackled. She and CryingChild gave each other high fives.  
  
"Aww, you're just jealous because I'LL get to shake Jhonen's hand, and you'll have to say hello to his kneecap." Kat replied.  
  
"There sure are a lot of people here." Idgie said. "I haven't seen such a collection of misfits and misanthropes since the last LotR movie was playing in the same theater as the Harry Potter movie, X2 and the Matrix Reloaded."  
  
"That is one out-of-date theater." Observed Quin  
  
"Yes. Yes it is."  
  
The line moved slightly and the fangirls shifted. Mel became excited. "Hey! There's a gap opening in the crowd! Put me on your shoulders again for a minute."  
  
"No way!" KidK cried. "I want to go a few more years without needing my spine replaced."  
  
"I'll lift you." Said The Slayer. "But keep your feet out of my ears, that's where I hide my candy."  
  
And so, Mel once got a shoulder's eye view of the convention hall. Still, she mostly saw the backs of a bunch of heads. For a moment, she despaired, but then, she got just the slightest glimpse of something that made her fall over backwards with a sharp gasp. Unfortunately, since the line had filled up fast behind the tensome, they were crammed together like pocky in a box. (I'm sick of that damn sardines metaphor.) Anyhoo, Mel tumbled to the ground, taking The Slayer with her, as well as several innocent bystanders, falling one by one like some mad set of dominos. A tiny pocket of chaos erupted.  
  
"Skveesh!" cried a twelve year old girl in metallic lime green clothing. "You broke my lucky sphincter!"  
  
"Sorry. Gravity's a JERK!" Quin said. "You look vaguely familiar."  
  
"Mah name be Twisted Toaster." Said the lime girl. She then cackled maniacally for hours. But we won't go into that.  
  
"I'm gonna tie my shoe for the next twenty minutes. You let me know if the line moves." Said CryingChild, turning to the ground.  
  
"I feel pain!" Said another injured party, a crazy-looking girl in black "Don't let the clothing fool you- I don't like pain!"  
  
"Sorry, sorry. Apologies for everyone!" Quin raised her hands into the air as if making some huge, official proclamation.  
  
"Okay then. As long as you apologized." The nameless girl said. "Say, could you save my place in line while I go wash the blood off my clothes? My brain is hemorrhaging quite nicely at the moment." As she headed for the little fangirls room, she tripped over CryingChild.   
  
"Ow! Why does it hurt!?" CryingChild looked up at the humanoid that had fallen on top of her and gasped. "It's you! You're-"  
  
"Popcorn!" a passing vendor shouted. "Somebody buy my popcorn! My son needs a kidney, you heartless bastards!"  
  
("Pardon me a second." Ztar said, chasing the stalking vendor with a large stick.)  
  
"...Yeah. Just call me Galadriel Weasely here." The not-nameless-anymore girl said.  
  
"No way am I doing all those damn syllables." Said CryingChild "I'll call you monkfish."  
  
"How about GW?"  
  
"Whatevah. Just as long as I still get me some monkfish. That's a nice head wound you have, by the way."  
  
"I'll be fine. Not dying- it's one of the perks of being immortal."  
  
"Hey..." Bast said, as CryingChild flagged down a monkfish vendor. "What did you see, Mel? I mean, what made you fall?"  
  
Mel looked stunned. "Well, I mean... I know this sounds weird but... it was like. There were people there but... they weren't people. They were in costume or something but it wasn't... I mean, it looked all..."  
  
"SPIT IT OUT, KNAVE!" Cried Dragon.  
  
"IThinkThereReallyWereIZCharactersUpThereDon'tHurtMe!" Mel cringed.  
  
"What?" cried Idgie.  
  
"Oh COOL!" Said the Twisted Toaster, who was still listening in on them and had to be subdued with a brainfreezy.  
  
"Don't be crazier than you usually are." CryingChild said. "How could they really be here?"  
  
"Magic? Is it magic? I'm guessing magic." The Slayer hopped up and down like a looney bird as she spoke.  
  
KidK bent down to her. "Mel, maybe you just saw a poster or a TV screen and got confused."  
  
"Maybe..." Mel sounded very unconvinced.  
  
After that, a few more attempts were made to see what was going on at the beginning of the line, but all met with failure and skinned knees. Eventually they decided they'd find out what was going on when they made it to the front of the line. IF they ever made it, that is- the line seemed to be less of a line and more of a prep course for the eternity of darkness that awaited our ten heroes in limbo, should they ever decide to vacation there. Still, they made the best of their doomy fate- they stood in line, laughing and talking about various subjects. Subjects such as Jpop, cheesemonkeys, spaceships, sadism, evil bunnies, good bunnies, evil but misunderstood bunnies, the incredibly strange creatures that stopped living and became mixed up zombies, secret societies, non-secret societies, magic powers, toast, mail order organs, candy, furi kuri, stage blood, intestines, vampires, werewolves, werecats, weremongooses, where's waldo and corn.  
  
They had quoting contests and compared their levels of obsessiveness:  
  
"I once drew Happy Noodle Boy scenes all over every pair of pants I owned, and when I ran out of pants I started to use my brother's pants, and he punched my head when he caught me."  
  
"I once took apart my sandwich at lunch and rearranged the pieces so that it looked like Prof. Membrane's head, but then I couldn't eat it, because it looked like Prof. Membrane's head, so I carried it around with me until it smelled so bad that my mom made me throw it out."  
  
"I once ate an issue of SQUEE, in order to become one with it."  
  
They told jokes and talked about problems with fanfiction:  
  
"My favorite author never updates! I e-mail her and e-mail her, but still nothing!"  
  
"Some idiot keeps e-mailing me, telling me to update my fics! Mommy, make her stop!"  
  
"THE PAIN! SWEET JEEBUS THE PAIN!"  
  
They traded comics and talked about obscure characters:  
  
"Tallest Spork owns all your souls!"  
  
"Fah! That alien fuzzelbutt is nothing compared to Bitey!"  
  
"Hooray for the guy who lives next to Zim and has an electrode in his head! Hooray!"  
  
And so on, and so on, and so on. They conversed long into the afternoon. They had so much enjoyment that after a few hours they forgot they were even waiting in a line. Or at least, they would have if it weren't for the fact that every so often, someone would mention how they could hardly wait to se Jhonen...  
  
At last the moment arrived. And, as the fangirls approached the autograph table, they saw something that the readers knew was coming since chapter one, yet still came as an incredible shock to them. Jhonen was there, of course, as well as a few others they expected, Steve, Roman, Richard etc. But once they'd past these idols, they saw a bizarre mixture of animation and reality, ala Who Framed Roger Rabbit. They were all there, Zim, Gaz, Miss Bitters, The Letter M, Nny, Fillerbunny- all of Jhonen's creations. And they weren't just signing autographs... The closer the fangirls got, the more they saw. Some character had gotten into fistfights with their own fans, others were being clung to, and some seemed to even be enjoying the experience. As the tensome walked in blissful amazement into the sea of candy colored cartoons and wild action, the moment froze forever in their memories.  
  
You might say it was immortalized.  
  
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Stay tuned for the epilogue! 


	15. Epiloguelude: The Voyage Home

It's finally finished. Thanks to everyone for making it better than it might otherwise have been. It's very strange… for such a long time I've wanted this to be finished. I've wanted it done and not hanging over my head. But at the end of this chapter, part of me felt very sad…

…Well, who knows what the future may hold, eh? So long, and thanks for all the fish.

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The airport was a world of light. It gleamed off whitewashed walls, metallic baggage and faces shining with the promise of escape. Slick grime glinted out of every crevice and blinded the darkly colored group of young'uns as they said their final farewells.

"Biya! Be sure to clean your nostrils!" Dragon called after one fangirl. "I won't forget you! You is my bruddah!" She suddenly turned and grabbed the ankle of another. "Don't go! Noooooooooooo- okay, bye. Doo doo dee doo…"

__

Ground control to Major Tom

Quin sat somewhat aside from the others at the gate, who were all hugging and laughing and kicking each other's heads farewell. She wondered what it would be like to go home after a thing like the convention. Would everything be the same?

Ground control to Major Tom 

"We're sinking back into reality!" Raved The Slayer "Now it's nothing but burned toast and schoolwork, and people kicking the back of your seat!"

"Are you even trying to make sense?" Asked Idgie politely.

"Sort of…" The Slayer looked at her shoes. The announcement rang over their heads saying gate 7C would be boarding soon. The fangirls stood, waiting, half expecting some other voice to take control as it had when they'd first arrived at the convention. But when none did, they waved goodbye with stifled disappointment, exchanged phone numbers and dispersed to their respective flight gates. Some got on planes to O'Hare airport, some to Van Nuys, some to JFK. They flew across the country and away from each other. The Slayer snapped her backpack closed and, with a final glance at the gate, walked off to her own destiny.

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on 

Ground control to Major Tom 

Three people walked into gate 7C, bound for the same destination. They were CryingChild, Mel the Mad Bunny, and Galadriel Weasely. The last of these found her seat, which was away from the others, and looked out the window. Noticing the stranger next to her appeared somewhat nervous, she decided to calm him down with some reassuring words.

"Boy, it sure would suck if the roof flew off while we were in the air, wouldn't it? Or if we flamed out and fell into the ocean. I don't know about you, but having rough shards of twisted metal flung through my midsection is not my idea of a fun time!" GW leaned closer to the man, who by this point had gone very pale. "Just between the two of us, who would YOU eat first if we were stranded on a mountain? Me, I'd definitely go with that guy with the bad haircut over there." She suddenly paused and cocked her head. "Are those NORMAL sounds for an engine to be making?" The man groaned.

__

Commencing countdown, engines on 

Check ignition, and may God's love be with you 

CryingChild watched as the plane left the ground. She smiled contentedly. What a perfect way to see herself off to college- by turning her cousin into a Zim fan. Not to mention having the wildest week of her life! Spending the whole last day hobnobbing with the Irkens and communing with Happy Noodle Boy. It had been an experience she'd never forget, and it gave her promise for an exciting future.

This is ground control to Major Tom 

You've really made the grade 

Mel, who sat next to her, was much more nervous than excited. It had been one thing being newly obsessive at the convention, where such behavior was permitted, even normal. What would it be like once she reached home? She tugged on the hem of her grey t-shirt, and thought of her Nailbunny one, deep in her backpack. She'd hidden it inside a larger sweatshirt, and would likely have to hide it at home. She had gotten some tips from people at the convention whose parents didn't approve of JtHM, but still she worried. What would it be like returning to her friends, or family? Would she act the way she acted before, or admit to the change inside her?

And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear 

Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare 

Meanwhile, on another plane, Ztar was also thinking of her return. She was just beginning the flight home, but could already feel her memories of the past week becoming distant. Still clear, but with a dreamlike quality to them. How had it been real? Flying home was like leaping into another dimension, one released from the convention's unique rules and realities. Ztar wasn't sure if she liked the idea. But she WAS going home…

This is Major Tom to ground control 

I'm stepping through the door 

Bast, on her own flight, felt less stoic about it. She was restlessly tossing in her seat, looking down at the shrinking houses. Her head buzzed- she thought forward. Would her home and family seem mundane after this week? Would she ever be able to look at the world in the way she had before? But then, if sights like the ones she had seen at the convention were possible, imagine what else might be…

And I'm floating in the most peculiar way 

And the stars look very different today 

And on her plane, KidK imagined just that. As the clouds whizzed by she saw galaxies swirling in them. She imagined all the possibilities- things that she had suspected might be true, and things she'd never dreamed were possible, all fell into the realm of reality now. She sat back and thought about things like Chakras, Mana, UFOs, Black Helicopters, Chupacabras, Deja vu, Exploding Heads, Bilocation, Jersey Devils, Djinn, Satyrs, Vampires, Giant Robots... 

For here am I sitting in a tin can 

Far above the world 

Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do 

...Changelings, Demons, Demonomancy, Telepathy, Necromancy, Aleuromancy, Geomancy andBibliomancy. Kat thought about all these and more as her plane flew on. It took her a few minutes to recognize the high pitched voice of the passenger behind her as something familiar. Turning around and peering over the seat, her eyes widened to see a person who did not look quite real, but was very definitely there. Tod Casil, who talked to his mutilated teddy bear, assuring it that the plane was not flying over any major bodies of water, eliminating the danger of giant sea monsters reaching up and grabbing it mid flight. Kat bit her lip in joy. This would clearly be no ordinary flight.

Ground control to Major Tom 

Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong 

Can you hear me Major Tom? 

And, one by one, all the convention-goers discovered on their flight something they couldn't explain. Before long, others who'd never even been to the convention began to notice them as well. Confusion, fear, delight and amazement broke out in pockets everywhere, and all passengers, real and unreal, flew off into the night.

Can you hear me Major Tom? 

Can you hear…?

…

****

The End.


End file.
